Let That Be a Lesson by Ryan Wilson

Author:Ryan Wilson [Wilson, Ryan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473583566
Publisher: Random House
Published: 2021-08-19T00:00:00+00:00

Coming Out to Kathy

In one of my line management meetings with Kathy, I tell her that I’ve recently started telling people I’m gay and she is typically affirming and supportive. But her next question takes me by surprise: ‘Are you going to tell the kids?’

My first reaction is absolutely, categorically not. I’m there to teach them English, not confide in them. It feels like such a private, personal thing – why would I want to share it with a group of kids? Besides that, lots of parents would hate it – they’d see it as indoctrination and a breach of the boundary that should exist between teachers and pupils. There would definitely be complaints. I tell Kathy it hasn’t even entered my head.

She listens patiently and says she understands my concerns, but she lays out the case for doing so. It obviously wouldn’t be a big announcement; it would just be dropped into a wider discussion on something else. Good teachers tell stories all the time to illustrate points. If a maths teacher who is teaching ratios, say, can tell a story about going shopping with her husband and them arguing about what weight of flour they need in order to ensure they have enough to bake a cake for fifteen people instead of the six in the recipe, why shouldn’t I tell an anecdote which mentions a boyfriend? Let’s put to one side, for a moment, the fact that I don’t have a boyfriend.

There might be the odd complaint, she says, but probably not many, and I would have her full support and that of the head in dealing with them. (Happily the head seems to have forgiven me for cupping his wife’s breast.) My mentioning that I have a boyfriend in passing is unlikely to turn their son or daughter into a raving homosexual on the spot.

But more than that, she says, there will be kids sitting in my classes who are not straight. While many may be comfortable in their skins, others will be feeling isolated and lonely, and seeing someone in my position talking about being gay could be the boost they need. There will also, she says, be some kids who sit in front of me every day with deeply rooted homophobic attitudes inherited from their parents. They may not have worked closely with an openly gay person before. Given that I have a good working relationship with my classes, and that there is on the whole an atmosphere of mutual respect, my coming out could at least start the process of changing some of their minds.

They’re all powerful arguments, but I’m ashamed to say that I don’t do it. My fear of what might happen is just too great. In the last decade or so things have moved on enormously, and I hope that a young teacher finding themselves in that position today would feel confident to be themselves, including in the classroom.

Looking back I regret not being braver. But, to quote one of

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