Leading Out of Who You Are: Discovering the Secret of Undefended Leadership (The Undefended Leader Trilogy Book 1) by Walker Simon P

Author:Walker, Simon P [Walker, Simon P]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Piquant Editions
Published: 2013-06-11T16:00:00+00:00

The Adapting Ego and leadership

How, then, do Adapters lead?

Following, not leading

For the Adapter, leadership is a daily battle. Once again, things can go one of two ways. On the one hand, the leader may seek to do his adapting on the front stage of the organization—usually, with regard to the relationships around him. For him, leadership involves popularity, approval and attention. Consequently, Adapters lead by ‘licking their fingers and sticking them into the wind,’ as Jim Wallis says of politicians.9

In fact, they follow rather than lead. They find ways of ingratiating themselves, of staying in, of keeping people on board. This may mean that they get into patterns of playing off one group against another or of telling half-truths rather than the whole, uncomfortable truth. They rarely confront bullies properly or resolve conflict by dealing with the issues. Usually, they look for a way to paper over the cracks rather than finding the courage to try to repair the widening fissure. Of course they work very hard—too hard—giving every hour of the day to justify their existence and demonstrate their worth.

Denial, not freedom

On the other hand, the Adapter in leadership may go backstage. When this happens, he keeps his insecure, adaptive self well hidden. Instead, he presents a persona that is excessively confident and in control, which is designed to mask his insecurities and deny his need for love and affection. So determined are they that no one will ever find out quite how insecure they feel behind the curtain that they put on a bravura performance, saying all the right things, talking the talk. Driven by their sense of obligation, they push themselves harder and harder, getting exhausted, wrung out, while the organization takes more and more. In the end, they find they are trapped: they cannot give any less at work, but how can they ever own up to what is going on behind the mask? How can they be honest? How can they be real? Will anyone ever know the real them? They long to be known, and accepted for who they are; and yet they can’t take the risk of letting anyone see—in case they see what they’re really like and walk away.

Meanwhile, the duty they offer increasingly has strings attached. They serve (unconsciously) in order to get some return. They hope for thanks and approval and if they don’t get them they feel resentful. They deny themselves to serve others, but envy those who are preferred over them. Their own unmet emotional deficit starts to leak out. It may come out in angry outbursts and irrational decisions. It may come out in anxiety and panic. It may express itself in physical ways, in stress-related illnesses, irritable bowel syndrome or high blood pressure. The pressure the Adapter puts themself under will find a way to escape, whether managed or unmanaged. The long-term legacy will probably be ill health of one form or another, resulting in loss of productivity or performance—the very thing they despise in themselves.

Giving,

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