Lady Helena Investigates by Jane Steen

Author:Jane Steen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Aspidistra Press

18

Shame and sorrow

I maintained what I hoped was a dignified silence while Fortier made his bow and strode out of the room. By the time the sound of his footsteps was no longer audible, my legs were shaking so much that I sat back down on the window seat with a thump. That startled Scotty, who came to curl up against me with a sigh. I leaned my head against the panes of glass and stared out at the valley, where rain had begun to fall, willing my heart to stop pounding.

I felt raw and exposed, as if Fortier had ripped off my skin. I supposed I had known all along, since the first day I met him, that he was privy to Justin’s secret; but Justin had gone beyond shame or sorrow, or so I thought. I hadn’t considered I could feel shame or sorrow for him as if he still lived somewhere inside me, so it astonished me how deeply upset I was by the thought he could be publicly unmanned. That this would be the lasting impression people had of him rather than the picture he had presented in life, vigorous and strong. I would a thousand times prefer that people thought of me as barren.

And I had called Fortier an interfering foreigner, no doubt wounding him in his most vulnerable spot. I’d done what all of Littleberry did, making him the outsider who had no right to stick his French nose into our English business. I had broken the rules of courtesy and hospitality by which my sort of people lived, just because a man insisted on telling the truth.

But why did he have to tell the truth?

I watched the cloud descend upon Whitcombe Hill, a smothering mist that hid the valley from view, reflecting that I was far less fortunate than the other women in my family. Gerry had her kind, influential, responsible husband to lean on. Blanche could retreat behind the wall of self-serving ambition that seemed to make her impervious to other people’s opinions. Annette and Alice had each other, and O had her art and cared little for anything else. I had few allies, and I’d just insulted one of those few.

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself.” I pushed myself upright, facing the reflection of my face that had begun to emerge out of the dimming fog behind the windowpane. “You’re a Scott-De Quincy. Don’t sit around moping when you can find something useful to do.”

I kissed Scotty on his silver-gray head, rose, and went to stand in the middle of the room. What had I been doing when Ned arrived? With a sinking feeling, I realized I was still faced with the correspondence concerning Dene Farm. Well, I couldn’t postpone that. My lawyer needed to hear from me before the rumor of Farmer Hatherall’s suicide reached him. I sat at my desk and pulled a sheet of paper toward me.

Half an hour later that task was done and the footman dispatched with the letter.

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