Introvert: The Friendly Takeover by Linus Jonkman

Author:Linus Jonkman
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
ISBN: 9789198327618
Publisher: National library of Sweden
Published: 2016-05-18T04:00:00+00:00

Dominance

Psychologists have studied how we choose our relationships. In brief, it tends to go like this: we choose friends who are like ourselves, but romantic partners who aren’t. Introverts, especially, tend to be attracted to extraverts. We seem to seek similarity in our friends, but differences in the people we choose to spend our lives with. We’re attracted to the qualities that we don’t have. The trite old compliment “you complete me” actually makes pretty good sense.

In an introvert/extravert relationship, the latter tends to be the dominant party. Dominance is often thought to be a purely negative thing, but I’d like to challenge that notion. Introverts will enter a reflective state of mind when faced with a decision. We turn the issue every which way in our minds, and we’re quite prone to over-analyzing things. We see all the grays, instead of just black and white.

Extraverts approach things more directly. When I was asked to write this book, I spent the whole day deliberating on whether or not to accept the offer. I weighed the impact it would have on my busy schedule, and considered how my free time, my finances, and everything else I could think of would be affected. It felt like a difficult decision, so I emailed Hanna at work. She responded within a minute: “Of course you should write it! Say yes!!!” This was her whole analysis of the offer. As I pointed out earlier, only extraverts use that many exclamation marks.

Hanna’s response shows how quickly extraverts make up their minds. They make speedy decisions, often basing them on their initial gut feelings. Her response also shows the dominant behavior of an extravert. She’s not advising me on how to approach the issue, she’s telling me what to do. “Say yes!” In my experience, an extravert will challenge you to take the next step. It’s in their nature to want to influence the people around them. Whether or not their influence is positive depends on the relationship, and on their motives. You can influence people by being charming, showing faith in them, and encouraging them, just as you can do it by making demands and coercing them. Hanna has played a huge role in my own growth since I met her. She nudges me along.

This dominant trait isn’t unique to Hanna; it’s one of the core extraverted aspects. This is why most executives in the Western culture are extraverts. Sweden has an especially high ratio of extraverted executives. Organizations with a lot of extraverts are characterized by high levels of activity. Everybody gets involved in everything. Ideas aren’t subjected to much critical thinking.

At the other extreme, an introvert can function as a kind of safeguard. We’re the ones who explain to the extraverts around us that it’s not a very good idea to use the toaster while you’re taking a bath. We take a step back from things, maintain our distance to them, and think carefully about what we’re seeing. I’m convinced that these two approaches to decision making complement each other in essential ways.

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