IN SEARCH OF HOLY RUSSIA by Father Spyridon Bailey

Author:Father Spyridon Bailey [Bailey, Father Spyridon]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Feed A Read
Published: 2020-07-29T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter Eleven

The morning air was still cool as I made the short walk to the church. A single bell rang out to call us to the seven o’clock service and I was unsure how simplified the service would be at this time. Entering the church I found the area around the inside of the door crowded with people. I wasn’t sure what was happening and decided to squeeze past them and use the lighting of my candles as an opportunity to see what was going on. The main iconostasis had just two candles flickering before it in the darkness, and no one was entering that part of the church. Immediately to my left there was a small side chapel, so small that the iconostasis had only one door to the north of the Royal Doors and nothing to the south. Between the people and the chapel three of the priests stood at stands holding icons, before which they were hearing confessions.

I lit my candles before the iconostasis and joined the waiting congregation who shuffled forward each time someone had finished their confession. Normally a priest confesses at the altar, but since I wasn’t concelebrating I was happy to confess as the laity were doing. A young boy of about twelve was revealing his sins, and the priest bent forward to hear. Before the absolution he gave a detailed response to whatever the boy had said, and I thought of my own sons, and how grateful I had been to see them confessing at a similar age.

I had my script folded in my pocket, and nervously my hand gripped it out of sight. I felt the common anxiety so many feel in revealing their darkest secrets before a priest, but also I had the additional question of whether anything I had prepared really made sense. I had tried to address my feelings as I had prepared myself for the solemn rite, and I always brought to mind the words of Saint John Chrysostom who said “We rush to our sins but are ashamed when we repent. It should be the other way round.” I believed these words, and held on to the fact that in a short while all the sins I was burdened with would be lifted from me; it always gave me courage to say whatever was shaming me. From my own experience from hearing confessions, I also knew that the priest would hold no judgement in his heart over whatever I revealed; in truth the astonishing courage and faith of people as they asked for God’s forgiveness always leaves me in awe of their humility and trust. The understanding of God’s Judgement and the eternal consequences to come, as well as His loving forgiveness in this life bring us back, again and again, to seek God’s mercy. And the assurance of His forgiveness when we set our hearts on repentance brings a hope that nothing in the world can match.

Eventually I was ushered forward by one of the ladies standing next to me and I bowed beside the priest.

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