Imposter by Unknown

Author:Unknown
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2022-07-11T21:46:28+00:00

Chapter

Twenty-Five

MyPsychJournal.com

Welcome back, Rosie. Happy journaling!

february 13, 2018

My appointment with Dr. V is tomorrow and I want to write more about Michael before then. I’m having trouble trusting my own memories because at the time, his behavior seemed sweet, protective. He drove me to and from work. He’d send flowers to my office, he’d meet me for lunch several times a week. He loved to buy me gifts and surprise me with them. A couple of my coworkers said he was being overbearing, but I liked it. It made me feel secure. Cherished.

He would choose my outfits, picking his favorite ones for when we went out together, or more conservative pieces for me to wear to the office. He didn’t want anyone leering at me, he said. Again, I thought it was nice. No one had cared that much about me in a long time.

He was always checking up on me, making sure I came home on time. For example, once I stopped by a friend’s place after work to see his new baby and Michael texted, asking why I was late. I’ll admit that after a while it started to bother me, but I knew if I asked him to stop, he’d be offended. “I care about you, Rosie. I worry when you don’t come home on time.” Or he’d be jealous: “What were you doing with him? Do you have feelings for him?” It became easier to lie, to tell him my boss stopped by my office to talk, or that I was caught in traffic. But then he’d catch me in my lies, and that would start a whole new argument: “What else are you lying about? I can’t trust you at all, Rosie.”

And he was right, wasn’t he? Why should he trust me? I’ve always lied to get out of trouble, ever since I was a teenager. And it’s not like I knew what a healthy relationship looked like—my parents weren’t a good example; I’d never made good choices in men. In some ways, Michael treated me better than any other boyfriend—he never cheated on me, he never abandoned me, he told me every day how much he loved me.

But there were other things I noticed, too. I started misplacing things, my keys, my purse, my phone, and part of me wondered if he was doing it, trying to rattle me, to make me distrust myself, but that seemed insane. Then I started missing texts from friends, invitations to go out to lunch or meet for drinks. I had issues with the calendar on my phone, with appointments being changed or deleted, so I was always showing up late or not at all—and not just to social things, but work events, too. I thought I was overtired, stressed out—in fact, that’s what Michael said. He suggested that I cut back or even leave my job entirely. He was worried about me, and it was nice to have someone care.

See, that’s the confusing thing about Michael. It’s impossible to prove that he purposefully manipulated me.

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