Idiot's Guides to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy by Dr. Jayme Albin & Dr. Jayme Albin & Eileen Bailey

Author:Dr. Jayme Albin & Dr. Jayme Albin & Eileen Bailey
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: DK Publishing
Published: 2014-10-06T16:00:00+00:00

Breaking the Cycle

Unmet expectations in your marriage might start a vicious cycle. For example, you are upset that your partner works late most nights and you don’t spend much time together. By the time he arrives home, you are hurt and annoyed; you ignore him, trying to punish him for working late. Your partner feels your anger. He doesn’t feel that home is a pleasant place and whenever his boss asks someone to stay late, he volunteers. This cycle continues until you and your partner are barely speaking to one another.

While it is best to work through relationship problems together, with both partners involved in the solution, it is possible for either partner to make changes and stop the cycle. By changing your perception, behavior, and reaction to the situation, you change the dynamics. Let’s look at the scenario again.

You are upset that your partner has been working late and not coming home from dinner. You react by saying, “We have not been having dinner together lately in the evenings. I miss that time together and I miss you. I enjoy seeing you in the evenings. I could make a special dinner for us one night this week. What night works best for you?” In this response, you have let your partner know how you feel without making demands. He is more likely to be responsive to your request. You have broken the cycle of avoiding each other without an argument.

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