How to Properly Dispose of Planet Earth by Paul Noth

Author:Paul Noth
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing

Sorry, sports fans, but today’s game has been called on account of the Earth vanishing like a dust bunny up a vacuum cleaner.

“He’s here,” a secretary said into her phone. “Yes, uh-huh.”

A moment later, the door opened.

“You,” said Principal Kellogg, pointing at me. “Get in here.”

I had never been in her office before. The first thing I noticed was the PA system microphone on an old-fashioned switchboard of lights and toggles. A small trio of chimes sat in front of it. What I had always assumed to be a digital sound effect had actually been the principal herself hitting three xylophone pieces with a little wooden mallet. Weird.

Turning into the room, I saw something far stranger.

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