How Do We Know Ourselves?: Curiosities and Marvels of the Human Mind by David G. Myers

Author:David G. Myers
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux

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NARCISSISM: THE GRANDIOSE SELF

Self-serving bias (perceiving and explaining ourselves favorably) is natural and normal, albeit occasionally problematic. But what are the roots and fruits of extreme self-serving bias, narcissism?

Is narcissism just a cover for insecurity or low self-esteem? It seems not, because on various self-esteem measures, narcissistic people routinely score high.

But are narcissists’ inflated sense of self a mask that covers their deep-down sense of inferiority? Again, no. When playing a computer game in which they must quickly press a key to match the word “me” with both positive words (such as “good,” “great,” “wonderful”) and negative words (“awful,” “bad,” “terrible”), narcissists respond faster when associating themselves with positive rather than negative words. Deep down, narcissists truly think of themselves as awesome.

To study narcissists’ reactions to criticism, the social psychologists Brad Bushman and Roy Baumeister had undergraduate volunteers write essays and receive fake feedback. When they were praised (“great essay!”), those who scored high on a narcissism scale by agreeing with statements such as “If I ruled the world, it would be a better place,” or “I think I am a special person,” were, as you would expect, pleased. But if they were criticized (“This is one of the worst essays I’ve read!”), the narcissists, who crave adulation, were much more likely than those low in self-esteem to retaliate, by pushing a button that blasted aversive noise at the one who criticized them.

So, too, in a classroom setting, where the self-inflated narcissists were especially likely to assign a bad grade to a classmate who had previously criticized them. When receiving public criticism—when their public image of superiority is punctured—narcissists become especially likely to lash out. Narcissists may be charming, but only until you cross them.

In studies of human development, narcissists have often come from homes where parents believed their children deserved special treatment. Many modern parents have conveyed just that message, which helps explain the rise in U.S. students’ narcissism scores, as reported by my colleague Jean Twenge. Other parents, who simply display love and kindness, tend not to have narcissistic children. So, instead of repeatedly telling their children how special they are, parents might more simply tell them they are loved. When it comes to nurturing non-defensive adults, parental warmth beats parental praising.

People with high self-esteem typically value achievement and relationships. Narcissists prize achievement but care less about relationships. Early on in social settings, narcissists often charm people with their outgoing and flamboyant personalities. They tend to be very active on social media with status updates and tweets, and to amass many friends and followers. In two studies, narcissism has even been associated with becoming a reality TV star.

But with time, their self-centeredness and volatility wear thin. In one study, those scoring high in narcissism often emerged as a leader among students they hadn’t previously met. But after further group meetings, their popularity declined as group members came to realize that the leader did not prioritize their interests. Over time, narcissists’ thin-skinned antagonism and willingness to cheat others contribute to their declining reputation.

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