Hollywood Hills (2010) by Joseph - Hollywood Station 04 Wambaugh

Author:Joseph - Hollywood Station 04 Wambaugh [Wambaugh, Joseph - Hollywood Station 04]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Published: 2011-01-14T19:06:46+00:00

Chapter Sixteen.

SERGEANT MURILLO LIKED to send the troops out on the streets in good spirits, so he invited humorous comments as soon as he finished reading the crimes and other roll call material. He said, "Has anything noteworthy happened lately that you would like to share?"

Flotsam said, "Yeah, Sarge, the other night we got a call from a drunk hooker on the Sunset track who made an ADW report against some dude that kicked her in the giz when she refused to boink him for twenty bucks. When we got her to the ER, the doctor examined her and said there was something weird about her labia. She thought he said Libya, and she goes, 'I ain't no terrorist. I'm an American.'"

That one got a few hoots and some thumbs-down from skeptics who didn't believe it happened. And then Snuffy Salcedo said, "We pulled over a guy on Cahuenga last night for busting a light, and when I said he had a mutilated driver's license, he said, 'My license don't mutilate for another year.'"

That one got more hoots and a few thumbs-up.

Before he dismissed them, Sergeant Murillo made an announcement that concerned Britney Small and Della Ravelle.

"Six-X-Forty-. Six," he said, "I'd like you to stop by the library on Ivar and talk to the librarian about the Wedgie Bandit. He's at it again."

The veteran midwatch cops groaned at the news, and Sergeant Murillo said, "For you new people, the Wedgie Bandit is a white male, about thirty years old, five ten, one forty, brown and blue. He usually wears long-sleeved jerseys or sweatshirts, jeans, and tennis shoes. And he is an unparalleled menace to the safety and security of Hollywood's citizens. It's imperative that we get this villain off the street."

Snuffy Salcedo said, "Wedgie Bandit? Why do they call him that?"

Sergeant Murillo said, deadpan, "He assaults any unsuspecting person he encounters with very forceful wedgies."

"With wedgies?" Snuffy said.

"Do you know what a wedgie is, Officer Salcedo?" Sergeant Murillo asked. "It's very unpleasant. How would you like someone to give you one?"

"I know they're unpleasant, boss," Snuffy said, "but why does he do it to strangers?"

Sergeant Murillo said, "That is the question that the watch commander wants answered, and the station captain, and the division captain, and the bureau commander. I wouldn't be surprised if the chief of police wants to know his motive. When he's caught, we'll find out why he does it, but we can't catch him. Six-X-Thirtytwo almost caught him one time, I believe. I'm not sure what happened."

Flotsam said, "Yeah, my little pard here chased him through Griffith Park, but the Wedgie Bandit left him panting on the grass with his tongue hanging out like one of them Frisbee-chasing border collies that scoot around there all day."

"He runs like a cheetah," Jetsam said defensively.

Sergeant Murillo said, "You all should be aware of how serial wedgies are committed. This fiend just walks up behind victims of either gender, even senior citizens, and grabs a handful of underwear from the back and pulls up as hard as he can.

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