Heal Your Relationship: A new way of improving your relationship skills (The Systemic View Series Book 2) by Indra Torsten Preiss

Author:Indra Torsten Preiss
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Indra Torsten Preiss
Published: 2015-10-06T22:00:00+00:00

Forgiving

Through my own experience with constellations as a representative and facilitator, backed by Hellinger’s work, I have had to let go of an important so-called spiritual principle. I used to be convinced of the rectitude and nobility of forgiving, but family and relationship constellations have allowed me to appreciate a deeper truth. The principle of forgiving that I once considered so noble has fallen away. In fact, it appears in many cases to be disrespectful toward both the victim and perpetrator.

That is why no one is ever asked to forgive or be forgiven in a family constellation. When a perpetrator asks a victim for forgiveness, the victim is once again being asked to do something for the perpetrator (on top of all that the perpetrator has done to the victim): namely to forgive him or her. That is too much to ask. Apart from being the victim, this person is also being asked to carry the responsibility of forgiving.

In addition, it makes it harder for the perpetrator to come to terms with himself, his deeds, and his guilt. Being forgiven deprives him of the necessity to accept his guilt and the accompanying responsibility. Moreover, the person who forgives is automatically placed in a superior position compared with the person being forgiven, which seriously upsets the relationship balance of give and take. Hellinger uses the following aphorism for this:

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