Happy Healthy. . .Dead: Why What You Think You Know About Aging Is Wrong and How To Get It RIght by Noelle Nelson

Author:Noelle Nelson [Nelson, Noelle]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: MindLab Publishing
Published: 2015-11-24T22:00:00+00:00

12.

My Way or the Highway. Really?!

You’re doing the dishes. You don’t mind doing the dishes. It’s kind of a relaxing thing for you. You drift and think about your day as you scrub; about how you’re going to resolve that situation at work, you remember a funny thing you heard on a podcast earlier. “Why are you doing it that way?” your partner asks, interrupting your reverie. “Huh?” you respond. “Why are you scrubbing the pot that way?” your significant other repeats, more insistent.

“I don’t know,” you say, staring down at the pot, “I’ve always scrubbed it this way.” “Well, that’s dumb. You should do it this way,” your partner replies, and in no time at all, you are in the middle of a “my way is better” argument in which each of you is trying to convince the other of the best way to scrub a pot.

Or, your friend is planning a fundraiser for the local animal shelter. You think how inefficient their approach is, and you tell them, “You shouldn’t do it that way, do it this way.” Once again, in no time at all, you find yourself in yet another “my way is better than your way” argument which leaves both of you unhappy and feeling out of sorts. Your friendship suddenly doesn’t feel so friendly.

What’s going on here? What’s the problem? Well, let’s face it, each and every one of us thinks our way is better. As a matter of fact, each and every one of us thinks it should be obvious to everybody else that our way is better. Now that wouldn’t cause problems if we would keep our opinion of “better” to ourselves. But we don’t. More often than not, especially with loved ones, friends and co-workers, we take up the cause of “my way is better” and try to force our righteousness onto our fellow man. Appreciation, valuing that which matters to others, isn’t even in the ballpark.

If someone asks you for your help or advice, or if you are in a teaching position relative to them (instructor, supervisor, boss), or if you are functioning in a professional capacity where your advice is sought (i.e., accountant, manager, dentist, doctor, counselor), that’s fine, it’s totally appropriate. But when you’re just going about your life, dishing out “my way is better” to those around you whether they asked you or not, you’re setting yourself up for some very poor relationships.

Happy, healthy relationships provide you with a low-stress environment, very conducive to happy, healthy longevity. One of the keys to such relationships is acceptance and appreciation of the differences between us. One of the hardest things for humans to do is accept and appreciate differences. No wonder so many of us find relationships difficult! Yet relationships free of “my way is better” are possible, if you will keep the following guidelines in mind.

Different is just that, different. Different is not better or worse. Different is just different.

People do things in different ways, go about things differently, approach life differently, because these ways work for them.

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