Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar

Author:Tal Ben-Shahar
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: McGraw-Hill Education
Published: 2007-02-24T16:00:00+00:00


The Underprivilege of Privilege

Samuel Smiles, father of the modern self-help movement, wrote in 1858 that "every youth should be made to feel that his happiness and well-doing in life must necessarily rely mainly on himself and the exercise of his own energies, rather than upon the help and patronage of others." When parents "help" their children circumvent hard work, it can lead to much unhappiness in the long run: "It is doubtful whether any heavier curse could be imposed on man than the complete gratification of all his wishes without effort on his part, leaving nothing for his hopes, desires, or struggles." When challenged, children, like adults, will find meaning in their accomplishments and enjoy the process of attaining their goals.

The underprivilege of privilege can explain, to some extent, why in this culture of relative plenty levels of depression are on the rise and why depression is hitting at a younger age than ever before. Life, for many young people, has quite literally been too easy.

Struggles and hardships and challenges are a necessary component of an emotionally rich life; there are no easy shortcuts to happiness. And yet our immediate response to others' struggles— especially if those others happen to be our children—is to want to make things easier. Letting them struggle when we have the means to make life easier seems unnatural; but there are times when we have to curb our impulse and allow them the privilege of hardship.

Unhappiness is also common among the rich because they are under increased pressure to feel happy. I've encountered this phenomenon among a number of my students who come from a privileged background. "What possible right or reason," a student would often ask, "do I have to be unhappy?" He feels guilty for being ungrateful, for not fully appreciating his lot in life. Moreover, because he cannot find a good reason for being unhappy, he blames himself for his predicament and feels inadequate. The pressure to be happy—the feelings of guilt and inadequacy in the face of negative emotions—leads to further unhappiness. What he and many others in our material world fail to recognize is that emotions are largely indifferent to material wealth.



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