Gertrude, Gumshoe and the VardSale Villain by Robin Merrill

Author:Robin Merrill
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: funny cozy mystery, cat cozy, quirky cozy mystery, clean mystery, older sleuth, amateur sleuth, Maine cozy mystery, short cozy mystery, short mystery, senior sleuth, senior snoops
Publisher: New Creation Publishing
Published: 2017-02-19T00:00:00+00:00

10

GERTRUDE WOKE UP IN back of the van with the worst headache of her life. It felt like someone had hit her between the eyes with an ax. She brought one hand to her head, just to make sure it was still there.

She looked around the dimly lit interior. It was still daylight, but the tinted, not to mention filthy, windows didn’t allow much light into the van. The seats had been removed, and Gertrude was on the floor, which made the bumpiness of the road that much more painful. What are we on, a skidder trail? She sat up and looked out the windows. It did indeed appear that they were on a skidder trail. In the middle of the forest. This van is bouncing around like a fart in a mitten.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” Loretta said.

Gertrude looked up to meet her eyes in the rearview mirror. “Where are we?”

“Don’t you worry, friend. The scary part is over. We are going home now.”

Home? Does that mean she’s going to kill me? “Are you going to kill me?”

“Kill you? Of course not! I wouldn’t hurt a fly. You’re my friend. I won’t hurt you again. I’m sorry I hurt you at all. I wasn’t planning on inviting you to come with me, at least not until I got to know you better, but then I thought maybe you knew what I was doing, and I just can’t allow myself to get in trouble with the law. Not after all I’ve done, all I’ve accomplished, how far I’ve come.”

“What you’ve accomplished? What have you accomplished, exactly?”

“Oh, you’ll see,” Loretta burbled. “You’re going to love it. I promise.”

She hit a giant rock with the right front tire, and Gertrude was thrown to the left wall of the van. “Ow!” she said accusingly.

“Oh, sorry, friend. I always forget that rock is there.” She tittered.

Gertrude had a thought, and her hand flew to her neck, but there was nothing there. She groped around her chest, but her LifeRescue pendant was gone. Either it had fallen off in the struggle, or this madwoman had taken it. I hate her, Gertrude thought. I really, really hate this lunatic. “I’m not your friend,” Gertrude snarled.

“Oh, sure you are. You just don’t know it yet. You’ll see. So, friend, what is your real name? I’m guessing it’s not Hazel or Jill?”

“What’s your name?” Gertrude asked.

“That’s a fair question, I suppose. My name is Sue. Just plain old Sue. Ugliest name in the books. Not Susan, not Suzanne, just Sue. My mother was a cruel woman.”

“At least you’re not a boy named Sue.”

Sue laughed as if that was the funniest thing she’d ever heard.

“Where are we going, Sue?”

“I told you. We are going home. And once you get settled in, if you want me to go back for a few of your cats, I would be happy to.”

“How do you know I have cats?” You’d better stay away from my cats, you wacko!

“I saw them in your windows.”

“What else did you see?”

“Nothing.

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