Far from the World We Know by Harper Bliss

Author:Harper Bliss [Bliss, Harper]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Ladylit Publishing
Published: 2016-04-11T22:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

LAURA

Rachel has come down from Chicago for Aunt Milly’s funeral. Apart from her, at the service at the cemetery, the only people I know better than as a mere acquaintance or a familiar face from around town, are Tess, her family, Mary from the café, Myriam and Isabella, and a few locals I’ve been doing some work for. Still, the turn-out for Aunt Milly’s send-off is numerous and, though it hardly still matters now, I think that would have pleased her.

When I made arrangements for the service, the minister asked if I wanted to say a few words, but I declined the offer. I’d rather say goodbye in silence. The way I did when Tracy died. Her funeral was one of the most harrowing times of my life. People who didn’t know what had happened saw me as the grieving widow, while her family and friends saw me as her killer. I counted myself in the second group.

Burying Aunt Milly today, makes me think about death again, and about how fragile life is. One wrong step, and it can be over and done with. When you’ve seen the life drain out of someone’s eyes right in front of you, and when you’ve caused that to happen, and have come face-to-face with how breakable the human body can be, it changes everything. At least Aunt Milly lived a full, long life. No matter what Tracy did to me, I took that away from her. I robbed her of a future. I robbed her parents of a child.

I should be listening to what the minister is saying, but I’ve become so averse to words spoken by clerical folks, I don’t really care what he has to say. It’s the same old stuff anyway. God this, Jesus that. What did God do with Tracy when she came knocking on heaven’s door? Did he let her in? Forgive her for her earthly sins and take her into his divine embrace? My father said this to me after I came out to him. If you repent, and don’t give in to your unnatural urges, God will embrace you. But it was not God’s embrace I was after. It was his.

I look to my left. Rachel has slotted her arm through mine, and she has a solemn expression on her face. I try to get her attention by looking at her a fraction too long. I need to let someone know how much this funeral is messing with my head. How much it’s bringing everything that’s not right in my life together in my mind. But Rachel keeps staring at the coffin, her face stoic and serene. I try Tess on my right. Sweet Tess, who, after my little breakdown, took me home to share a meal with her family, and showed me what family is really about.

I don’t know if she’d somehow prompted him, but Earl told the story of when Tess came out of the closet and his and his wife’s reaction to that.

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