Every Day, Every Hour by Natasa Dragnic

Author:Natasa Dragnic [Dragnic, Natasa]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-385-67190-3
Publisher: Doubleday Canada
Published: 2012-06-05T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 17

Opening night. Dora does facial exercises. She stands at the window and loosens up her jaw. She makes noises. Nobody bothers her. Everyone’s caught up in their own preparations. They’re all professionals. Like Dora. The scented April breeze wafts gently across her face. The time has come. This is her life. This is what she’s always wanted. A dusty stage, a red curtain and the audience. Her audience. She needs nothing else.

There will be no questions asked. Many glances will be avoided.

‘Today’s the big day, little one,’ Frédéric calls out in a stage whisper, and smiles at her. Today he’s dressed in chartreuse and black, very elegant, and already he’s hurrying up to the others and encouraging them. Running around cackling in excitement like a hen who’s laid an egg.

Dora doesn’t need that. Doesn’t need the egg, doesn’t need to be bucked up. She knows what she’s capable of and how good she is. She takes one last probing look in the mirror and attentively inspects her face for a few minutes. Everything’s as it should be. She’s not herself anymore. She’s Cordelia. And she’s prepared to die.

The show is a great success.

Afterward, Dora is surrounded by her family and friends. Everyone congratulates her and toasts her. She’s happy. She’s pleased with herself and with her performance. Frédéric praises her and says, his eyes wet with jubilant tears, that she’s the theatre world’s newest star. She’s only twenty-two years old. She can already spot a few jealous glances in the crowd, but tonight they don’t bother her. The world is hers for the taking. So says Frédéric. Except for … Oh, nothing. Let’s forget about that.

Back in her apartment, deep in the night of her first big, genuine triumph, as Dora stands alone at the window of her darkened living room, looking out at the lights of the city that is her home, she unexpectedly comes to a decision. This surprises her. It hadn’t been clear to her that a decision needed to be made, since everything had been decided already. But all at once, she’s rocked by a realisation that hits her with the kind of force a person cannot endure and remain standing, like a hurricane wind that knocks you over, and she knows with her whole body and her whole mind, with all of her thoughts and senses and desires, that she cannot imagine never again feeling Luka’s body next to hers. The pain is physically unendurable. Like being buried alive. The nightmare of her life. Standing at the window, she realises that she must be true to herself, that she has no choice but to fight.

As she comes to a decision, she feels the balmy April air fill her lungs. She breathes.

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