Don't Turn Your Back in the Barn (Adventures of a Country Vet) by Perrin Dr. Dave

Author:Perrin, Dr. Dave [Perrin, Dr. Dave]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Pets
ISBN: 9780986656910
Publisher: Dave's Press Ltd.
Published: 2011-05-15T22:00:00+00:00

During her first few months, Doris had proved to be a great ambassador for the clinic. She knew almost everyone in town, was good at thinking on her feet, and could handle a lot of the clients that I found difficult.

Right now though, the look on her face suggested she was floundering. She had answered the phone a few minutes earlier and, aside from saying hello and identifying us as Creston Veterinary Clinic, had yet to say a word.

"I think you'd better handle this gentleman, Dr. Perrin." She flushed and held the phone at arm's length for me to grab. "He seems to have a problem with a pig."

"Dr. Perrin speaking."

"Hi Doc! How the f... are ya?" The voice was deep and booming.

"Fine, thanks," I replied, unhinged by the introduction.

Doris focused intently on my face. She was straining to follow the conversation.

"Well, I'm glad you are, because I'm not too great right at the moment! I've got this little friggin' pig that ain't got no asshole."

At that moment, I knew with a certainty that I was dealing with one of my classmates. There was no question about it! It was only a matter of figuring out which one. It sounded like something Carney would do, but I didn't think he could fake that voice; there was something about the quality that I just couldn't put my finger on. Wetstein? He'd try something like this, but there was no way he could do the voice either.

"You there, Doc?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm here."

"Do you think there's something you can do? This poor little bugger's blown up like a balloon, and she's quit suckin' her mom. She's just layin' off by herself under the heat lamp and shiverin'."

"So you've checked and you're sure that there's no rectum?" I was waffling now. This had to be a prank, but maybe I could play along for the moment.

"Yeah, I'm sure! The little bugger's completely smooth back there, and there's no sign of shit around her tail at all."

Doris was still staring at me, waiting for an answer to the mystery. I raised my eyebrows and shrugged my shoulders.

"So do you want to take a look at her, or should I just take her out and knock her on the head?"

"Who's calling, if you don't mind my asking?"

"This is Verna Levett. I've got a hog farm south of town."

"And she's the only piglet in the litter that has the problem?" I was still half convinced that someone was pulling my leg.

"Yeah, the others are all doin' good. They're lined up and suckin' on their mom. Just that one poor little bugger that can't shit!"

"Well, why don't you bundle her up and bring her in. Stick a hot water bottle in with her before you leave—we don't want her getting chilled."

"Who in the world was that?" Doris asked the moment I hung up the phone. "I've never in my life heard so many four-letter words in such a short period of time!"

"She said her name was Verna Levett," I muttered, making a notation on the day page.

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