Don't Be A Dick by Borg Mark B

Author:Borg, Mark B. [Borg, Mark B.]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Publisher: Central Recovery Press, LLC
Published: 2019-11-18T16:00:00+00:00

Are these milder impletives than the ones you used for the exercise in Part 1? I hope so.

Bottoming Out

They say the bottom is where you put the shovel down and stop digging. It’s up to you to decide how hurt you need to be before you give up your bad behavior. Often this aligns with the point at which you recognize you’re a dick. You feel bad about it, and remorse provides the will to change.

So, have you hit bottom yet? Are you ready to stop digging?

If so, keep reading. If not, keep reading anyway. Some people take longer to hit bottom than others, and some never do. We all know people who’ve burned through marriages, familial relationships, and jobs. Some of these individuals may have also done prison time, stayed in psychiatric hospitals, or been to emergency rooms after fights—yet still don’t budge behaviorally. In fact, some people own their irascibility and think being called a “dick” is a badge of honor. Until they feel the emotional consequence of their behavior, there’s not much hope for change.

Take my client Julian. Back in the 1990s he was in the grunge scene, rode a motorcycle, wore ripped jeans, and prided himself on being a dick. His attitude attracted punishing reactions, and his behavior usually led to ill consequence for others as well.

Julian called himself a “heat-seeking missile” and had a knack for choosing the exact wrong person to hurl his arrogance upon. He was also one of those good-looking bad boys who attracted just the wrong type of partner. There’s a psychoanalytic tenet that “we know more than we know we know,” which is a clever way to say there are unconscious reasons we’re drawn to a particular type of person, and that person is drawn to us.

One night, Julian went to a small Orange County club to see a then little-known Seattle band called Soundgarden. He arrived tipsy—his many dick moves that night included driving under the influence—and beelined it to a cocktail server.

Julian sensed that she thought he was cute, but since he was inebriated, his follow-through bordered on assault. The gargantuan bouncer, who happened to be the waitress’s boyfriend, saw the entire interaction and grabbed Julian by his jacket, pulling him off and away from the unreceptive waitress. Then what did Julian do? Can you guess? He swung at the dude who was twice his size and who had him lifted off the floor.

Luckily for Julian, the professional duties of a bouncer did not include pummeling the shit out of unruly concertgoers. He did, however, launch Julian out the door.

Sitting on his butt, Julian decided he wasn’t done with the club, or the bouncer, or the waitress. He went to his motorcycle, put on his helmet, ran full speed back to the club, and took a flying leap at the bouncer.

Fortunately, the bouncer restrained from putting Julian in the hospital or the grave, and instead hurled him down onto his backside a couple more times in the parking lot.

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