DIY by Eric Sprankle

Author:Eric Sprankle
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Union Square & Co.

Learning Not to Come

Given our culture’s sexist expectations of female passivity, refusal to acknowledge female sexual desire, and reluctance to teach about the anatomy and function of clitorises, many women may struggle becoming orgasmic. Not seeking out self-help or clinical interventions like directed masturbation will often leave women reluctantly accepting not being able to orgasm.

For many men, though, they may have the opposite experience as preorgasmic women and are very skilled at reaching orgasm. So skilled, in fact, that they are able to climax in a matter of seconds compared to the more typical two to seven minutes. These efficient masturbators have learned exactly what type of stimulation their body craves and are able to become aroused and orgasm faster than it takes most people to toast an Eggo.

Within the masturbation realm, this isn’t a problem. Throughout childhood and adolescence, many boys learn how to quickly (and silently) masturbate to orgasm to avoid detection from an intrusive parent or a nosy sibling. By the time they graduate from high school, these stealthy masturbators know their body so well they will be able to have an orgasm in under a minute in the college dorms without their pre-med roommate ever looking up from their biochem textbook.

This quickness is viewed as an asset. But this asset turns into a liability during their first college hookup when they repeat this rapid ejaculation during anal or vaginal intercourse with a new partner. Typically, the partner is desiring stimulation lasting longer than a few thrusts, so now the efficient masturbator is gaining the reputation on campus as being a “two-pump chump.”

Clinically referred to as “premature ejaculation,” the DSM defines this disorder as experiencing orgasm within sixty seconds of intercourse and before the person desires it. Everyone will likely experience rapid ejaculation at some point during their sexual history. If you haven’t had sex in a while, and you are with a new partner, it is not surprising that sometimes in these scenarios your body quickly goes “Oh boy!” and you’re left apologizing and lying to your partner that “this never happens.”

Since numerous situations could make ejaculation “premature,” the DSM requires the problem to occur during 75 to 100 percent of sexual encounters over the course of at least six months. Beyond the persistency and consistency of premature ejaculation, the most important criterion is that orgasm is happening before the person wants to. If someone ejaculates within fifteen seconds, and both partners are like “That’s awesome; well done,” then there is no distress. No distress means there’s no premature ejaculation disorder, regardless of how fast the person comes.

Conversely, many patients enter therapy concerned about the timing of their orgasms, believing they are ejaculating too soon and certainly before they want to. Further assessment reveals that they are actually able to have intercourse for fifteen to twenty minutes before having an orgasm, but they desire to last more than an hour. In these scenarios, the focus of therapy is primarily educational, where the patient is informed about typical sexual responses and how the “going all night” myth violates the laws of friction.

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