Discworld 27: The Last Hero by Terry Pratchett

Author:Terry Pratchett [Pratchett, Terry]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fantasy Fiction, Fiction, Fantasy, General, Magic, Fantasy:Humour, Humorous stories, Discworld (Imaginary place), Wizards
ISBN: 9780061040962
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2001-10-15T23:00:00+00:00

Lord Vetinari gave Ponder a faint smile as they left the cabin.

In the sudden silence Ponder... pondered. He stared at the orrery, walked around it, enlarged sections of it, peered at them, pored over the notes he had made about the power of dragon flight, stared at a model of the Kite, and spent a lot of time looking at the ceiling.

This wasn't the normal way of working for a wizard. A wizard evolved the wish, and then devised the command. He didn't bother much with observing the universe; rocks and trees and clouds could not have anything very intelligent to impart. They didn't even have writing on them, after all.

Ponder looked at the numbers he had scribbled. As a calculation, it was like balancing a feather on a soap bubble which wasn't there.

So he guessed.

On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance.

"Could we all hold our breath for a quarter of the time?" said Carrot.

"No. Breath doesn't work like that, alas," said Leonard.

"Perhaps we should all stop talking?" said Rincewind.

"Ook," said the Librarian, pointing to the fuzzy screen of the omniscope.

Someone was holding up another placard. The huge words could just be made out:

THIS IS WHAT YOU DO.

Leonard snatched a pencil and began to scribble in the corner of a drawing of a machine for undermining city walls.

Five minutes later he put it down again.

"Remarkable," he said. "He wants us to point the Kite in a different direction and go faster."

"Where to?"

"He doesn't say. But... ah, yes. He wants us to fly directly towards the sun."

Leonard gave them one of his bright smiles. It faced three blank stares.

"It will mean allowing one or two individual dragons to flare for a few seconds, to bring us around, and then —"

"The sun," said Rincewind.

"It's hot," said Carrot.

"Yes, and I am sure we're all very glad of that," said Leonard, unrolling a plan of the Kite.

"Ook!"

"I'm sorry?"

"He said, "And this boat is made of wood!"" said Rincewind.

"All that in one syllable?"

"He's a very concise thinker! Look, Stibbons must have made a mistake. I wouldn't trust a wizard to give me directions to the other side of a very small room!"

"He does seem to be a bright young man, though," said Carrot.

"You'll be bright, too, if you're in this thing when it hits the sun," said Rincewind. "Incandescent, I expect."

"We can point the Kite if we're very careful how we operate the port and starboard mirrors," said Leonard thoughtfully. "There may be a little trial and error..."

"Ah, we seem to have the hang of it," said Leonard. He turned over a small eggtimer. "And now, all dragons for two minutes..."

"I ssuppose he'll ttell uss ssoon wwhat happens nnext?" shouted Carrot, while behind them things tinkled and creaked.

"Mmr Sstibbonss hhas ttwo ththousand yyears of uuniversity eexpertise bbehind hhim!" yelled Leonard, above the din.

"Hhow mmuch of ththat hhas iinvolved ssteering fflying sships wwith ddragons?" screamed Rincewind.

Leonard leaned against the tug of home-made gravity and looked at the eggtimer.

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