Dirty Talk by Jane O'Reilly

Author:Jane O'Reilly [O'Reilly, Jane]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Romance
ISBN: 9781474030717
Publisher: Carina
Published: 2015-02-24T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter Five

I cling on to the feeling of him, of being with him, long after he’s left. I can still taste him, even after coffee and lunch, still smell him, still feel him on me. At the end of the day, I close the shop and go home. I don’t turn on the television, or bother with food. I pull out my laptop and pour everything out onto the page. All the things he said¸ the way he looked, the way it felt. I’m the beautiful socialite, drowning in silk and diamonds, and he is my rough, uncouth lover, with his hard body and dirty words. When it’s done, I sit and stare at the screen, barely able to breathe. I didn’t know I had this in me. I didn’t know I could do these things, feel these things, spill these words.

But I have.

I crawl into bed and dream of red silk and white sheets and Phil. I thought I knew him. I’m beginning to realise that I didn’t know him at all. I didn’t know myself, either. I knew I was attracted to him, but I didn’t know I could want him like this. For so long, I’ve been what other people told me I was. Shy. Quiet. Prudish. I didn’t want to break out of the boxes they had put me in. It was an easy place to be, and I was comfortable there.

I’m not comfortable any more.

At some point, I became someone other people walk all over. I don’t want to be that person any more. I want something else, something more. I want to feel the way I feel when I’m with Phil. I can’t live the rest of my life trapped inside the four walls of this flat and my bookshop, living my life through the words of other people.

When I get to work the next morning, Phil is waiting for me. ‘Hey,’ he says, handing me a takeout latte.

‘Hey, yourself,’ I say, taking the cup. I take a sip, and the warm, sweet taste of hazelnut syrup spreads over my tongue. ‘Shouldn’t you be at work?’

‘I’ve got a little time,’ he says, as I unlock the door of the bookshop. I go in, start turning on lights. There’s an awkwardness between us that wasn’t there before, and it’s more than just the things that we’ve done. It’s this new awareness we have of each other.

‘I wanted to see if you’ve got anything new in.’ He holds up the last book he bought from me. ‘I finished this one.’

‘How was it?’

‘Pretty good,’ he says.

I can sense every move he makes, as he strolls between the bookshelves. I can sense him watching me as I settle behind my desk, get my laptop out of my bag and turn it on. Neither of us says anything.

Every time I look at him, he looks away.

I wish we’d never started this. I wish I’d given Dave his fifty quid and left it at that. I wish I could convince myself that was true.

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