Dare to Be Average: Finding Brilliance in the Commonplace by Ken Wells

Author:Ken Wells [Wells, Ken]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: PCS
Published: 2020-01-06T13:00:00+00:00

Disappointment

Disappointment is an everyday reality. Disappointment stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system. There is a chemical response that results in melancholy, inertia, and a feeling of hopelessness. Unresolved disappointment can cause tiredness, numbing sensations, sweating, diarrhea, and even an increased heart rate. Diseases can show up when life gets hectic and you are stressed for a pronounced period of time. Heart disease, digestive disorders, and a depressed immune system are all possible. Disappointment triggers despondency and activates intense loneliness, particularly when it goes unchecked.

Ambiguous Loss

Pauline Boss is credited with identifying and raising the consciousness level around the need to grieve ambiguous loss, sometimes referred to as disenfranchised grief. Her book Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief explains the isolation and loneliness that exists when grief never ends. Perhaps the most stressful and lonely loss of all is when there is no real possibility of a sense of physical closure. This happens when you cannot be sure whether your loved one is still alive.

Experts in healing grief suggest there is never any real final closure with death and other excruciating losses. When there is an unclear loss, the physicality of loss is always pending. It becomes very difficult to move forward. People who suffer sexual abuse and families whose loved ones succumb to Alzheimer’s, addiction, and other serious mental illnesses all experience ambiguous loss. While the world goes on, it is easy to fall into isolation and loneliness fueled by the reality of ambiguous loss.

Materialism

A sex addict whose longest binge with pornography was sixty hours told me, “I can’t get enough of what I really don’t want.” Sixty hours is about 2.5 days of porn nonstop! I have heard many other bizarre and extended sexual pursuits and other out-of-control, insatiable conquests coming from addictive urges. The greatest of these is the lust for power, possession, and position. The disease of “more” has not only wrecked people’s lives but has left addicts and untold millions of others paralyzed with loneliness.

In Johann Hari’s book about depression, Lost Connections, he recognizes junk values as products or services that are being marketed to you that boast of solutions for happiness. He claims that just as junk food can take over your diet, junk values can take over your mind. It’s as if you cannot be satisfied until you possess the latest electronics or fastest cars. Yet the more you are driven for material success, the shallower your life becomes and the more loneliness persists.

Childhood Trauma

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

—Mark Twain

When you experience childhood trauma, you need to heal from it. Childhood trauma has a way of contaminating the essence of who you are. You just feel dirty, used, and forever flawed. According to Dr. Vincent Felitti, who coordinated a study that measured the impact of childhood trauma in more than 17,000 participants, the greater and more complicated the Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE), the more likelihood of suffering from a myriad of mental illnesses, maladaptive response behaviors, and long-term chronic loneliness.

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