Cupid Has a Heart-On by Tara Sivec

Author:Tara Sivec [Sivec, Tara]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Romance, Holidays, Literature & Fiction, Genre Fiction, Romantic Comedy
ISBN: 1230000919180
Amazon: B01BCTMJZ6
Publisher: Tara Sivec
Published: 2016-01-29T18:30:00+00:00

Chapter 9

Pot Vagina

Noel

“You know, you could always sell sex toys for my company.”

I smile politely at the woman named Liz, taking another sip of my alcoholic beverage. My mother was kind enough to tell the entire room about my lack of employment, and I’ve spent the last hour listening to everyone give me suggestions about what to do. I’m well on my way to be completely wasted.

“Don’t listen to her,” her partner Claire, tells me while handing me a cookie. “Selling sex toys is worse than being a hooker. Actually, it’s just like being a hooker, but with less dignity.”

Grabbing the cookie from Claire, I shove the entire thing in my mouth, moaning when I get a taste of the chocolate goodness. I had been eyeing her tray of goodies she’d passed around all night from cookies to cupcakes to tiny little cheesecakes. At this point, I really don’t care how big my ass gets. I need something to take my mind off of watching my mother handle dildos from across the room.

“Well, you would know what it’s like to be a hooker since you’re the biggest slut I know,” Liz tells Claire with a smile.

“This is so not professional. We are the worst business women in the world,” Claire complains with a sigh.

“Do you guys really have a business selling sex toys and these yummy desserts?” I ask.

Liz nods. “We do. And it’s pretty awesome.”

“OH MY GOSH! MY TONGUE IS SO TINGLY!” my mother shouts from across the room, sticking her tongue out of her mouth and crossing her eyes to try and look down her nose at it.

“Can I just say, your family is really insane,” Claire tells me softly as my mother suddenly grabs a floppy, rubber, twelve-inch long dildo and starts swinging it around above her head like a lasso. “I thought our family was weird, but yours might beat them.”

I just nod my head again, when Claire suddenly looks down at the plate of cookies in her hand.

“Oh, shit,” she mutters, looking up at me as I lick my fingers clean from the chocolate cookie I just finished. “Um, so, there might have been a little mix-up with the cookies back at the bakery.”

I smile at her, not really paying attention to what she’s saying since I now have the horror of watching my mother examine multicolored butt plugs, asking if they’re giant pacifiers.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure you just ate a pot cookie,” Claire continues.

I don’t really hear much after that aside from Claire and Liz arguing about someone named Drew and how he must have made a cookie switch before they left the store because he’s an asshole. I start to panic about being high in a room full of my family and sex toys, but after an hour and still not feeling any different, I realize Claire must have been mistaken and shrug it off.

* * *

“BRIGHT LIGHT, BRIGHT LIGHT!” I shout in a high-pitch voice, sounding a little too much like Gizmo in The Gremlins, which makes me dissolve into giggles.

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