Craigslist Confessional: A Collection of Secrets From Anonymous Strangers by Helena Dea Bala
Author:Helena Dea Bala [Bala, Helena Dea]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Biography & Autobiography, Personal Memoirs, Literary Collections, Interviews, Family & Relationships, Marriage & Long-Term Relationships
ISBN: 9781982114985
Google: -oG2DwAAQBAJ
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Published: 2020-07-07T23:19:44.352953+00:00
Damon, fifties
Once, a very long time ago, I had a good job, a loving family, and a white picket fence. I started my own business, worked hard, and collected the toys that the wealthy haveâa boat, a mansion, a few Harleys. I worried about the things you probably worry aboutâthe stress of work every Monday morning, the bills that kept piling up, and the fact that the more we had, the more it didnât quite seem like enough.
Then, following the financial crisis in 2007â2008, I lost my business, my family, and my home. I lost everything.
You know what they say: when it rains, it pours. The same week that our business went under, my wifeâs younger sister, Sarah, was killed in a tragic car accident. She was dating a naval cadet who was set to graduate the next day. They were on their way back from the ball before graduation when he lost control of the car and crashed. Sarah died in the wreck. He was able to get to the highway to flag down help, but he was struck and killed instantly. I was depressed, and we needed money and a car; I was looking for a job, any job, to pay off our bills and debt. I worked anything I could get my hands onâlawn care, mechanic, pawnshopâand drove a dead womanâs car around all day.
After months of trying to dig myself out of a financial hole, I gave up and started making some very bad decisions. For one, I started sleeping with my landlord. She was married, and her husband was a cop. But she was attractive, and she made herself very available, so it was easy to make irrational choices. The first time, she asked me to help her move some things into her beach house. She came on to meâshe was very aggressiveâand I didnât resist. She wanted to leave the window open so that people could watch us. I let her do whatever she wanted. She was exciting and made me feel alive, and for those few hours that we were together, I wasnât focusing on my problems. After fourteen years of sobriety, she got me drinking again. We started going to bars every night. Twice, I rode the Harley to Key West and, another time, to Bourbon Street in New Orleansâdrunk and high. My wife found out eventually, of course, and she left me.
I donât blame her. Things got really hard for us, and I wasnât a partner to her. I didnât deal with it well. We needed a steady hand at the helm, and I was out cavorting. I thought it was situational depression, but the doctors diagnosed me with bipolar disorder, too, and put me on medication. I was very active and social during this time, but I also felt dulled, lethargic, and sleepy. What they say is right: on the medication, the lows donât feel so low, but the highs donât feel quite as high, either. It was like draining
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