Conundrums, Riddles and Puzzles Containing one thousand of the latest and best conundrums, gathered from every conceivable source, and comprising many that are entirely new and original by Dean Rivers

Author:Dean Rivers [Rivers, Dean]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2016-09-06T22:00:00+00:00

Can you tell the best way to make the hours go fast? Use the spur of the moment.

Why is wit like a Chinese lady’s foot? Because brevity’s the sole of it.

Why are parliamentary reports called “Blue Books?” Because they are never re(a)d.

Why is it absurd to ask a pretty girl to be candid? Because she cannot be plain.

Why is a sheep like a professional gambler? Because he is brought up on the turf, gambols in his youth, herds with blacklegs, and is fleeced at last.

Why is a well-trained horse like a benevolent man? Because he stops at the sound of wo.

What city is drawn more frequently than any other? Cork.

Why is a bookbinder like charity? Because he often covers a multitude of faults.

Why should an artist never be short of cash? If he knows his business he can always draw money.

What do we often catch yet never see? Passing remarks.

Why are confectioners mercenary lovers? Because they always sell their kisses.

What is there about a house that seldom falls, but never hurts the occupant when it does? The rent.

What three acts comprise the chief business of a woman’s life? Attract, contract, and detract.

Why is a prudent man like a pin? Because his head prevents him from going too far.

Why are some of our officers like a dancing master’s toes? Because they must be turned out.

What are the most patient objects in the shape of humanity? Statues.

Why is necessity like an angry solicitor? It knows no law.

If all the letters in the alphabet were on a mountain, what letter would leave first? D would begin the descent.

When you listen to a drum why are you a good judge? Because you hear both sides.

Why is the vowel O the only one sounded? Because all the others are in audible.

Why is a coward like a leaky barrel? Because they both run.

If a short man married a widow what will his friends call him? A widow’s mite.

Who dares sit before the Queen with his hat on? Her coachman.

Why was “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” not written by a woman’s hand? Because it was written by Mrs. Beecher Stowe (Beecher’s toe).

What animal is that from which, if you take off the tip of its tail you may make a first-rate Jew? Rabbit (Rabbi).

Why is a lame dog like a school boy adding six and seven together? Because the dog puts down three and carries one.

When is a house like a bird? When it has wings.

What moral lesson does the weather cock teach? It is vane to a-spire.

When is a lawyer like a beast of burden? When drawing a conveyance.

When is a soldier like a watch? When he is on guard.

What are the embers of the expiring year? Nov-ember and Dec-ember.

How is a poultry dealer compelled to earn his living? By foul means.

When was beef tea first introduced into England? When Henry VIII dissolved the Pope’s bull.

Why is a butcher’s cart like his top boots? Because he carries his calves there.

Why does a maltese cat rest better in summer than in winter? Because summer brings a caterpillar (cat-a-pillow).

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