Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: How to Build Brain Strength and Reshape Your Life with Behavioral Therapy: A Guide to Self-Empowerment with CBT, DBT, and ACT by Shepherd Tom

Author:Shepherd, Tom
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, azw3, pdf
Published: 2018-04-09T16:00:00+00:00

I don’t reside in anger

Weight: 60

Cost of Being Like John

People will not care how things could affect me

People will probably still do things that annoy me

They may step all over me

Weight: 30

Remember, the cost of anger is actually the cost of aggression. Even though it can be difficult to control our anger, we still have complete control over what we can do with this emotion.

We may choose to be passive, aggressive, angry-assertive, or passive-aggressive. It all boils down to our preference. Feeling anger can easily fast-track our response to our emotion and can present an illusion that we don’t have any choice. Yet we have to reshape our lives by considering how we decide to deal with our anger.

Step 1 - Recognize that a rule violation has occurred

In the CBT context of anger management, the first step is the recognition of a rule violation. We have specific rules as well as expectations that we follow for our personal behavior. We also use these rules to expect how people around us should behave. Hence, we can also feel the heaviness of the rules set by other people. The outcome is pressure, guilt, and anger. Are you familiar with the statements below?

I should have complete control over this situation.

He has the audacity to show his face to me?

That kid should listen to me!

My mom should support me on this.

Many people say these things out loud or internally. These are just some of the statements that indicate expectations. The problem is, in real life, people don’t always behave according to our expectations. In fact, people could be a stumbling block for us -- people don’t listen to us, and we may not have any control as to the outcomes of our actions.

It is crucial that we learn how to accept the given situation: accept reality instead of denying it or wishing it doesn’t exist. While we have complete control over our choices, the truth is that we also have minimal control over other people.

Then, we can follow a way that is in accordance with our personal core values. The challenge is getting to know these specific values. We can identify our values depending on what engages us, disappoints us, and angers us. In particular, we should pinpoint the positive values that underlie our rule.

For example:

If a person says something like “That kid should learn how to listen”, it indicates that he puts a premium on cooperation, understanding, and/or communication.

If a person says something like “He should learn how to work with me”, it could imply that he places importance on progress, respect, and freedom.

We don’t have control if other people respond with respect to our values. We can only have control if we do.

It’s also crucial to act on your values. Try to think of what you want for the long-term and the specific steps you can take in this direction.

People often ignore our rules and interfere with our lives. So how can you respond constructively if you face a similar situation? You can respond with fairness, truth, and respect.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.