Checking Out by Nick Spalding

Author:Nick Spalding [Spalding, Nick]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781612185941
Publisher: Lake Union Publishing
Published: 2018-03-21T23:00:00+00:00

Outside, the weather has cooled off considerably – so much so that I would offer Allie my coat, if I’d actually worn one. ‘Do you want to share a taxi?’ I ask her.

‘Yeah, okay.’

I look up the street. There’s no sign of a taxi rank, as the whole area was pedestrianised a few years ago, so we begin to walk past the shops towards the nearest one. I feel a bit sick as we go past Primark, but it passes quickly. I very much doubt Allie will want to hit me over the head with a squeaky foam bat any time soon.

The walk to the taxi rank takes longer that I was expecting, which is no bad thing, as it means I get to spend a little extra time with a woman I will most definitely be asking out on a second date. By the time we reach the empty taxi rank, we’re having a very light-hearted chat about Libby the Happy Lemon. ‘I could kill you, you know,’ she says, trying not to laugh. ‘That suit is the most uncomfortable, hot and ugly thing I’ve ever had to wear!’

‘Sorry! It seemed like a good idea at the time.’

‘Well, next time, if you could invent a children’s character that exclusively wears Chanel and Prada that would be lovely.’

I think for a moment. ‘Deidre the Designer Doughnut?’

‘Perfect!’

Allie collapses into three-glasses-of-Chardonnay giggles.

‘Well, you might not like playing Libby, but you do a bloody good job of it,’ I tell her. ‘What you did with Callum after that show was incredible. I’ve never seen the kid happier.’

Allie smiles, her eyes a little glassy. ‘Thank you, Nathan. That’s a lovely thing to say.’ Her hand lightly touches my arm. ‘It means a lot to hear that from you – the guy who created The Foodies.’

I don’t know how to respond to that. What exactly does she mean? She’s the one who was good with Callum, not me!

My eyes then go wide as a taxi turns up at the rank. Would you believe it’s bright yellow?

‘Look!’ I say, pointing. ‘Libby’s come to get us!’

Allie sees the taxi and laughs even harder. She then steps forward off the kerb and opens the taxi door.

From it spill thousands of small, black, furry balls, each with its own set of googly eyes, and tiny, pipe-cleaner-thin arms and legs. ‘Look, Nathan! It’s the Pibble Nibbles!’ Allie shouts with delight. She goes off into another gale of maniacal laughter.

The Pibble Nibbles start to climb up Allie’s body, towards her head.

‘No! No! Leave her alone!’ I shout as they congregate on her face, some of them entering her wide-open mouth.

‘Oh, they don’t mean any harm!’ cries Herman the Grumpy Potato from where he’s sat in the back of the taxi. ‘They just want to have fun! Just like me, Nathan! Just like me!’

Herman snarls, jumps out of the taxi and heads straight towards me with that dreadful mouth opening wide. As he closes in on me I can see Allie now completely covered with Pibble Nibbles.

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