Cats by Unknown

Author:Unknown
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: McClelland & Stewart
Published: 2020-03-30T00:00:00+00:00

THE LETTER

GENTLEMEN,

I need not inform persons of your infinite experience and erudition, that the Cat-Organ, as it has hitherto been made use of, was no more than what followeth, viz. A plain harpsichord; which, instead of having strings and jacks, consists of Cats of different sizes, included in boxes, whose voices express every note in the gamut, which is extorted from the imprisoned animals by placing their tails in grooves, which are properly squeezed by the impression of the organist’s fingers on the keys. This instrument, unimproved as it was, I have often heard with incredible delight, but especially in the grand and plaintive. This delight grew upon me every time I was present at its performance. At length I shut myself up for seven years, to study some additions and improvements, which I have at length accomplished, agreeable to my warmest wishes; and which I with all due submission now lay before you.

In the first place, then, it is universally known and acknowledged, that these animals, at the time of their amours, are the most musical creatures in nature; I would therefore recommend it to all and singular Cat-Organists, to have a most especial regard to the time of caterwauling, particularly if they have anything very august or affecting to exhibit.

Secondly, it is also very well known that the best voices are improved by castration; I therefore never have less than eight geldings in my treble clef. And here I cannot help informing you of an experiment I lately made on an Italian boar-cat, and an English one of the same gender; and I solemnly protest that, after the operation, my country animal had every whit as delicate, piercing, and comprehensive a tone, as the foreigner: and I make no sort of doubt that some of our harmonious Englishmen would shine with an equal lustre, if they had the same advantages as the Italians. This may be worth the consideration of people in power: for, if this experiment had been tried with success, how many thousand pounds would it have saved this nation!

Thirdly. Of the Forte and Piano. I must not omit to tell you, gentlemen, that my Cat-Organ resembles a double harpsichord; for, as that has two rows of keys, so mine has two layers of Cats, both of a lesser size, and whose tails are squeezed by a much less pressure; that is, by nothing but the bare extremity of the key. But the lower row, on which I play forte, or loudly, contains an harmonious society of banging grimalkins; and whose tails are severely pricked by brass pins, inserted at the end of the key for that purpose.

Fourthly, Of the Shake. There was one enormous defect in this instrument, before I took it in hand, and that was in the shake; the imperfection of which gave me great offence. But, as it is now managed, it has the most ravishing effect in the world. There are between all the keys little wires fixed almost imperceptibly; these

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