Butter Safe Than Sorry by Tamar Myers

Author:Tamar Myers [Myers, Tamar]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Mystery
ISBN: 9781408491287
Google: F_77mlyF6hEC
Amazon: B00BQ7V5AA
Barnesnoble: B00BQ7V5AA
Goodreads: 7079526
Publisher: Signet
Published: 2009-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

Susannah looked better than I’d ever remembered seeing her. She was dressed in orange scrubs—perhaps not her most flattering color—but at least one could see that she had legs. Also quite visible, and rather new on the scene, was the presence of a bosom. The latter was, no doubt, a result of boredom; my pseudo-anorexic sister had been packing on the pounds since her incarceration almost five years ago because she had nothing more interesting to do than to eat.

“You look positively voluptuous,” I said.

My baby sister grinned. “Mama would have hated it. Right?” “Absolutely. In fact, when I get home I’m going to drive up to Settler ’s Cemetery and give her the bad news.”

Susannah giggled. “How fast do you think she’ll spin in her grave?”

“Hopefully fast enough, and long enough, to make the U.S. less oil dependent on the Middle East.”

“You see! And you said I’d never amount to anything.”

“I never said that!”

“Well, you thought that.”

Few things annoy me more than being told what it is I think or feel. I’m not in the habit of letting folks inside this thick skull of mine. I especially hate it when I’m being justly accused, and the injured party knows that I can’t wiggle out of his or her accusation.

“And look how wrong I was; for surely you are an exemplary inmate. I mean, if not in deed, at least in your animal appetites.”

“Thanks—I think. Was that sarcastic?”

“What matters is, what do you think? As Dr. Phil would say, perception is everything.”

“Mags, you’re still weird. You know that?”

“ ’Tis a badge I choose to wear with honor. Okay, Susannah, tell me the purpose of this so-called emergency visit.”

She had the temerity to blink. “Who said anything about an emergency?”

“That’s what your message read. Shall I call the warden to collaborate it?”

Susannah sighed. “All right. There’s no need to get snippy about it. Just promise me you won’t freak out, that’s all.”

I gasped. “But you’ve been in here five years; you can’t be pregnant!” I gasped again, as reality sunk its baby teeth into my overnourished skull. “Oh no, don’t tell me it was one of the guards. Clyde? Houston? What’s his name with one eyebrow and no chin?”

“Eric? Give me a break! For your information, Miss High and Mighty, I’m not nearly the slut you think I am. I have never once cheated on my Melykins. Not once. Not ever.”

I must have been staring at her incredulously because she waved a long, but otherwise shapely, hand in front of my eyes. “Earth to Magdalena, are you in there?”

“I’m here,” I said. “I’m just having a hard time processing the fact that marrying the Mantis might actually have been good for you.”

“He was my salvation, Mags—and I don’t mean that in a sacrilegious way. Mama was always so strict, and let’s face it: you weren’t any better. It was all or nothing with you. If I didn’t toe the line a hundred percent, you got furious. Remember the time you threw

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