Broken (in the best possible way) by Jenny Lawson

Broken (in the best possible way) by Jenny Lawson

Author:Jenny Lawson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Henry Holt and Co.


INTROVERTS UNITE! (But Sweet Baby Jesus, Not in Real Life.)

Someone once told me that the difference between introverts and extroverts is that introverts recharge by being alone (like any normal person) and extroverts recharge by being with others (like vampires). I live with two extroverts, which is helpful in that they keep me from becoming a complete hermit but also terrible because they have no concept of the utter emotional and physical exhaustion that comes from living in a world that is too peoply.

If you’ve ever been on the Internet you’ve probably taken bunches of “Are You an Introvert?” quizzes, but honestly it sort of feels like they never have realistic answers. So I’ve decided to make my own:

You’re at a thrift shop with your husband and find an antique taxidermied alligator in a ballerina costume but there isn’t a price. You:

A Ask your husband to ask the price.

B Get irrationally upset when your husband refuses to ask how much it is because “you already have too many dead alligators anyway.”

C Cradle Allie McGraw in your arms as you walk through the store but then put her back on the shelf because you’re too exhausted from even thinking about talking to the clerk and now you need to go home.

D Tell your husband to buy Allie McGraw for you because you (intentionally) forgot your purse in your car, and before he realizes there isn’t a price tag tell him you have explosive diarrhea and run to the bathroom.

You’ve arrived at a party but no one you know is there yet. You:

A Request a great song and start a line dance.

B Find a dog to talk to.

C Have a fight with an imaginary person on your phone so that the strangers who haven’t even noticed that you are there will think you have a good reason to leave.

D This is a trick question. You would never go to a party.

The person you had a crush on in high school gets behind you in line at the grocery store. You:

A Enthusiastically hug them and ask them why they weren’t at the high school reunion that you organize every year.

B Give them a quick hi, then immediately pretend that you forgot to buy tampons and scurry away. Realize you just talked about tampons to your high school crush. Dump everything in the frozen food aisle and run away.

C Burn the grocery store to the ground and then move to another state.

D Not applicable since you have all of your groceries delivered so you don’t have to leave the house.

No one calls your phone all day long:

A That’s because I called everyone first.

B Maybe my phone is broken?

C Good. Only monsters call when they could text.

D My phone is just for downloading otter videos.

Your mail carrier rings the doorbell. You:

A Answer the door. Duh.

B Pretend to not be home unless they leave a note on the door that says they need a signature. If they do, quickly decide if it’s harder to answer the door now or to go to the post office and talk to the clerk there.



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