Bloody Hell: A Dark Urban Fantasy Story (The Legacy of a Vampire Witch Book 1) by Theophilus Monroe

Author:Theophilus Monroe [Monroe, Theophilus]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-10-18T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty

The best way to make yourself unattractive to a vampire is to be an average person. Not too pious or innocent. Not too vile or sinister. The former are delectably sweet, while the latter are savory and spicy. Everyone in the middle? They taste a bit like oatmeal. It will fill the hole if there’s nothing else available, but no one ever really craves it.

For good reason, not out of preference for flavor, we tended toward the savory and spice. A scoundrel goes missing, people don’t ask too many questions. Someone innocent or especially virtuous disappears, and the powers-that-be will turn the whole world upside down looking for answers.

So long as we were eliminating the most vile element of society, one might say we were actually performing a civil service. Not that such was our goal or purpose—but it worked out conveniently. The problem comes when the rest of the world doesn’t know that the scoundrel you’re eviscerating is, in fact, a scoundrel.

Such was the challenge with politicians. Most of them were spicy, but they all wore a facade of virtue—they were insufferable, holier-than-thou virtue signalers. They were like chocolate-dipped turds. They looked good on the outside, but on the inside they were repulsive. Unless of course you’re a fly or a dog, something that likes turds. We rather enjoyed the savory flavor of the politician’s insides… but there was no denying that what they were on the inside was not what they appeared to be.

Now, imagine yourself at a party and one person loads all the chocolate-covered turds on his plate, leaves none for anyone else. Thinking they were chocolate-covered bananas, people take great offense at his action.

Save some for everyone else! Those are meant to be enjoyed by the whole party!

Little do they know that the turd-hoarder is, in fact, performing a public service. But since no one else sampled them, everyone imagines the one who actually spared them a mouthful of shit was a greedy son of a bitch and they seek to kick him out of the party.

That’s sort of like what we were doing by taking down a corrupt senator like Johnson. People would take great offense at his loss, they’d mourn him and want to punish his killers. Little would they realize, though, that we were sparing them from the tyranny of a corrupt leader, a drug-peddler, and a victimizer. I grant, my chocolate-covered turd metaphor needs some work. But you get the idea.

And the senator was quite tasty. We expected his mutilation would garnish more attention than, for instance, the elimination of One-Eyed Clyde did. What we didn’t count on was how close they’d get to the truth… even though they’d never admit it.

We didn’t attack him in his office—we broke into his home. We were careful to avoid his security cameras, speeding past them like a blur and hiding in his shower. I compelled him to silence and we did our thing, leaving his blood-drained corpse in several pieces in the shower, his head in the toilet.

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