Big Feelings by Liz Fosslien & Mollie West Duffy

Author:Liz Fosslien & Mollie West Duffy [Fosslien, Liz & West Duffy, Mollie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2022-04-26T00:00:00+00:00

No one is perfect. Even the most successful people overlook emails, get pimples, and have off days. So right now, take a moment to identify one lofty, possibly subconscious expectation you’ve made for yourself recently. Then let it go.

7. Name your inner perfectionist, and find a nonperfectionist role model

To put some psychological distance between you and your inner critic, try giving it a name. For example, author Amber Rae refers to her inner perfectionist as Grace. When she feels compelled to run herself ragged, she tells herself, “Oh, that’s Grace.”[36] And instead of silencing Grace, Amber asks her, “What are you afraid of? What do you need to feel safe? How can we work together?” These questions also allow Amber to alchemize Grace from a guard into a guide. “Generally, Grace needs a dose of reassurance,” Amber told us. “And when I can help her feel safer and less afraid, I’m able to channel Grace’s gifts: she’s very detailed, she has an exacting eye, she has impeccable taste.”

Executive coach Melody Wilding recommends choosing a silly name or a character from a movie or a book (Melody calls her own inner perfectionist Bozo). “I once had a client who called his Darth Vader,” she writes. “He purchased a small Darth Vader action figure for his desk, which reminded him to keep the critical voice in check.”[37]

You can also identify people you admire who do not have perfectionist tendencies. Perhaps you even admire them more because they have a sense of “the big picture.” Mollie was recently feeling guilty about not keeping in better touch with friends by text and phone. So she reached out to a friend, and they played phone tag. Mollie then texted her to find a time, and her friend responded, “Hi love, sorry for being flaky. Truth be told, I’m going through IVF right now so my days have been hit and miss. I get a break in a few weeks, so maybe we can chat then.” Mollie loved this message, partly because she could empathize with her friend’s guilt and overwhelm, and partly because she admired her friend’s courage.

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