Between Despair and Hope (The Divine Between Series Book 2) by Jess Wisecup

Author:Jess Wisecup [Wisecup, Jess]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: anonymous
Published: 2022-08-21T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 32

Rainier

Waking up with her arm around my waist had been a gods damn dream after a slumber full of endless nightmares. It had taken a moment for me to understand it was real. I had breathed deep, inhaling the scent of her. She’d gone back to using her soap—I’d brought mine to the bathing suite attached to my room, not giving her much of a choice. I had taken a moment, just a moment, to close my eyes again and relax.

And yet my heart started to race.

Pounding frantic beats against my chest, a small flicker of fear had untucked itself from between my ribs and fluttered up my throat. All because I couldn’t see her. Logically, I knew I was in my home in Astana, but this sick panic knew no logic. I’d gotten better, yet somehow worse, in recent weeks. When I wasn’t around her, I tricked myself into believing I was fine, and I’d start out warm with her whenever I did see her, pushing myself to hope and try—and then something small would ruin it. Her divinity had calmed me, reminding me it was part of me when I heard her heart. Slow and steady, it beat in time with her soft breaths. I was nearly calm when I heard a soft snore, and I smiled, letting it ground me.

I had cursed myself for scheduling this early meeting with my mother. Slipping out from beneath her arm, I had moved about the room quietly to get ready. She had slept deeply, needing it, and I had tried not to look at the dark circles beneath her eyes, for which I was surely responsible. And when I turned to go, leaving behind the surprise of a shell for her, I had stopped myself.

One kiss. I could hold it together enough to press my lips to her forehead, smooth in her sleep, not wrinkled by stress and frustration. I had tugged the blanket up to better cover her, and done just that, my mouth whispering across her skin, not firm enough to pull her from slumber.

It was the thought of that kiss which motivated me to deal with Shivani and get it over with quickly. Small progress was better than no progress. I hadn’t told her, not wanting to get her hopes up, but I’d been practicing banishing my shadows with Dewalt. Em had suggested we learn from Cyran, but I’d immediately dismissed the idea. I had no interest in dealing with the boy—unless it involved dealing with the way his head still rested on his shoulders.

Walking toward my mother’s private quarters within the palace, I pondered what I’d been dreaming of the night before.

Her, of course.

An old memory, a fond one. We grew close that summer, but neither of us ever crossed the line of friendship, despite both of our separate desires. It was the next spring, before the summer it all went to hell, when I finally decided I couldn’t live, couldn’t breathe, without pressing my lips to hers.

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