Better by Mistake by Alina Tugend

Author:Alina Tugend
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Group US
Published: 2011-02-07T16:00:00+00:00

6.

BLAMING YOU, BLAMING ME

AFTER EXAMINING MISTAKES THAT AMPUTATED WRONG limbs and crashed planes, it’s hard to remember why I’ve felt so bad about the relatively minor professional mistakes I’ve made. But I know I’ve felt really awful, because after I began writing this book, I made another error in an article and ran a correction (a small public embarrassment). Unfortunately, there had been a slew of such mistakes recently in my section of the newspaper, and a senior editor was not amused. He sent out a terse e-mail to me and other writers who had goofed recently, demanding an accounting. I explained how it had happened, apologized, and said I would do all I could to prevent it in the future. No big deal. Except for me. Upon reading the message, I felt devastated. I was sick to my stomach, sure I would lose my job, terrified that I would make a mistake in my next column. I didn’t want to write again, so I would never have to go through this again. I know this for certain, because I wrote down those feelings, thinking it might be helpful for this book. And it was, because although my self-flagellation passed pretty quickly, it’s surprising to see how deeply I was wounded at the time.

Yet I know I am not alone in such reactions. When I mention to people that one aspect of mistakes that I am researching is gender differences, most people—okay, to be honest, most women—nod knowingly. There is a general consensus that women agonize more and blame themselves more and that men get over their blunders faster and tend to point their fingers at others. But is there any research to back up the belief that men and women actually respond differently to their screwups?

As I started investigating this and asked experts in the field about research on gender differences in reacting to and learning from mistakes, I kept getting the same response: basically, “I’m not aware of anything, but it sure sounds interesting.” So I started piecing together material that might not pertain directly to the issue but would help illuminate it. Much (much!) has been written generally on how men and women talk about and react to the same events in very dissimilar ways, and why that might be; how men and women are influenced differently by tentative or by aggressive tones; how they react differently to feedback and criticism; and the dissimilar ways they view transgressions and forgiveness. Even the distinctive ways men and women use computer software reflect their attitudes toward mistakes.

Now I know that discussing differences between men and women can be as perilous as talking about racial or ethnic distinctions. It is so easy to wander into the realm of stereotype, to, even with the best of intentions, sound patronizing and make one gender, race, or culture sound “good” and another “bad.” First let me state that while the research is very interesting and enlightening, of course it does not apply to everyone.

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