Before I Saw You by Emily Houghton

Author:Emily Houghton [Houghton, Emily]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473581258
Publisher: Transworld
Published: 2021-01-27T18:30:00+00:00

39

Alice

The anger hadn’t left her. It still lay curled up deep inside her, poised to strike at the next helpless victim that crossed its path. But now it was joined by something else. A sickening feeling of guilt had crawled in and taken up residence inside her too. Its cold claws sank into her chest, a constant reminder of its presence.

What the hell have you gone and done?

All at once she felt faint with claustrophobia. Her little cubicle felt too contained and too confined. She was trapped in her own version of hell. A hell she’d created for herself. It was torture, yet she didn’t have the energy to do anything about it, not even to cry. She simply lay locked in her own mind, letting the nurses come and go and the sounds of the ward wash over her. It was only when she heard his footsteps returning that her ears pricked up.

She sat a little straighter.

It’s him. Definitely him.

But where’s Sarah?

Her stomach lurched.

Maybe she could ask Alfie? Maybe he’d tell her what had happened. Maybe, if she asked nicely enough, he would go and find Sarah and tell her how sorry she was.

But the moment she heard him drop down on to his bed, the words disappeared from her mouth. The shame of her behaviour snatched any possible conversation from her and she was forced back into her silence. A silence not even Alfie seemed willing to break any more.

Time dragged its heels even more than normal. Restlessness pulsed through her but her bones were too tired to move. She was stuck, waiting and wishing for her friend to come back.

You could always go and find her.

No. After what she’d seen in that mirror, there was no way in hell Alice would be going anywhere. Her shame burned in the back of her throat, and no matter how tightly she closed her eyes, all she could see was her new reflection. The mangled version of herself that she was stuck with lingered permanently in her mind.

What if she doesn’t come back?

Those few words made her heart sink. Why was she so good at this? Pushing people away seemed to come so easily to her; it was right up there on her CV with financial planning and strategy. Alice Gunnersley’s top skills that got you anywhere you wanted but with no one by your side. She needed Sarah more than ever. Her wonderful friend, who hadn’t even batted an eyelash at her injuries, who since arriving hadn’t flinched, cried, winced or even commented on her wounds, had now disappeared. Alice let the tears come as she willed herself into a deep unthinking sleep.

*

The sound of Sarah’s voice woke her instantly.

Alice opened her eyes just a tiny bit.

Sarah smiled as she caught Alice peeping out from under her sheets.

‘Hey.’ She sounded cautious and Alice couldn’t blame her.

‘Hey,’ she managed to whisper.

Sarah sat down in the chair beside her, and leant in close enough so no one else would have to hear them.

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