Becoming a Clinical Psychologist by unknow

Author:unknow
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: undefined
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
Published: 2012-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

Coping ahead: is Resolution Possible?

For anyone who has wrestled with an eating disorder, maintaining a healthy relationship with one’s body can prove challenging even after recovery. During times of high stress or uncertainty, self-deprecating thoughts and old preoccupations can furtively slither back into one’s mind like the lyrics of a song one can’t seem to forget. A tool for regulating painful emotions, neurotic behaviors can paradoxically serve as a comforting refuge to which a person can return in times of need to help distract, to gain control, or to find companionship. In a program in which one feels like almost every aspect of personhood is being assessed—academic work, clinical work, and peer interactions—the pressure to not only excel but also maintain an air of equanimity while doing so can feel overpowering. While I have long abandoned the severe behaviors of my past, there are still times in which I experience the urge to skip meals or become highly critical of my weight—persecuting my body as though it is somehow a reflection of my success, my intelligence, and my worth. At first I was ashamed of these thoughts and feelings, believing that they meant I was unfit to be a psychologist. What I learned through training and experience, however, was that I needed to amend my idea of what it meant to be a psychologist, a chimerical figure who I fashioned in my mind as someone always in control and aware of her emotions, unwaveringly brilliant, and seamlessly related. I had created a fictional standard I could never live up to and then punished myself for failing to meet that standard; it was an all-too-familiar cycle that forced me to ask the question: why was I so unwilling to grant myself the space to be imperfect, when I so generously afforded it to my patients?

Given my own history, it is important for me to be aware of events, emotions, and even people that can prompt negative thoughts about my body or instigate urges to behave in ways that are ultimately harmful. For me, being aware of feelings of inadequacy when they surface helps me recognize when I need to call a friend, watch a movie, or go for a walk in an effort to regain balance. Sharon also experienced feelings of inadequacy in the resurgence of negative thoughts about her body. “I notice these thoughts more when I’m feeling inadequate as a therapist, inadequate as a student,” she shared. “That’s where my brain goes, my heart goes, and then I feel my body is inadequate. But I’ve learned a lot of little strategies. I practice yoga and emotion management techniques I learned [from dialectical behavior therapy]. I also think that doing this work has helped me to put a lot of things in perspective. I have worked with people who have endured some of the most horrific emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. It helps you slowly, but certainly, let go of your ego. Now, I can accept not being perfect.”

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