Art of Captivating Conversation by Patrick King

Author:Patrick King
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781510729070
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing
Published: 2020-01-14T16:00:00+00:00

Take the Hint

It’s important to recognize a few verbal cues that signal that people are only interested in you to the extent that they can move on from the interaction.

If you feel that conversations seem to be drying up and going nowhere with multiple people, it’s because you may be missing the signs people are sending that they either want to or need to move on.

These are so subtle you might even think they are unintentional, but in most cases, especially with people you know to be charming and conversationally fluent, it is extremely intentional.

Think of it this way—if someone is an ace baseball player, they can get on base 35 percent of the time. If you find that they are getting on base 0 percent of the time instead, it’s more likely that they are doing so intentionally versus deviating that far from their natural ability.

There are three big verbal cues that will almost always signal that people are ready to disengage or that they’d like to move on sooner rather than later.

Cue of Disinterest #1: Lack of reciprocity

If you are engaging with someone and you find yourself doing most of the talking and dictating just about every part of the conversation, it’s not because they just don’t know what to say. It’s because they are intentionally giving you one-word answers and not asking questions in the hopes that you will grow bored and move on yourself, so they don’t have to do the lifting in that department. It’s a mostly passive way of ending a conversation, and is the equivalent of calling in sick and then never returning to work so you don’t have to handle the sticky part of leaving.

Again, it could be someone not knowing what to say, but chances are, it’s an intentional precursor to a separation.

Cue of Disinterest #2: Allowing awkward silences to occur

What happens when there is an awkward silence or conversation lull?

Does the other person seem to care or make an effort? If not, they are less subtly sending you a sign that they are ready to leave. They want the awkward silence there so they can demonstrate to you that it is not an enjoyable interaction, and so they interject an excuse to leave.

Remember, if you are speaking to someone you consider charismatic or even socially adequate, it’s probably uncommon for that person to have many conversation lulls and silences. If they are there, it’s likely they are there intentionally and by design.

Cue of Disinterest #3: Transitioning to general topics

“So what do you have planned for the rest of the day?”

Statements like that are clear ways of signaling that someone wants to disengage. It’s a not-so-subtle hint that they want to move on to the rest of their day.

This is especially apparent when you were on another topic, however deep and specific, and they shift gears to a general topic or future plans. It makes logical sense, actually. You can’t just withdraw when you’re deep within the nitty-­gritty of a topic. You would feel the emotional need to see the topic to its end.

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