An Unattractive Vampire by Jim McDoniel

Author:Jim McDoniel [McDoniel, Jim]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3, mobi
Publisher: Inkshares
Published: 2016-03-15T00:00:00+00:00

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It was seven days before anything happened. After all, schedules had to be changed, limos had to be called, jets needed to be chartered, more limos had to be called, suites needed to be booked, room service had to be ordered (for appearances), autographs needed to be signed for waiters’ nieces, who were “really big fans,” and finally, hotel rooms had to be sneaked out of without the paparazzi noticing, which is a feat only an immortal could possibly achieve.

It was difficult to walk through the Linskes’ living room at this time. Books and maps littered every inch of floor space between couch and television, as well as a few other places, the vampire having a habit of tossing books across the room when frustrated. Yulric had not moved in a week, but skittered across his piles of papers cross-referencing the name Talby in book acknowledgments and DVD credits. What Yulric was looking for was not exactly clear; Simon had handed him the man’s Los Angeles post-office box, printed from the Phantom Studios home page. The siblings merely supposed the ancient creature refused to believe his quarry would publicly boast of his location.

Amanda knew she should be thanking her lucky stars; this new Yulric was practically a dream. He showed absolutely no sign of killing anyone other than this Talby he was searching for and paid very little attention to the humans at all. His nest of research aside, he had become less trouble than owning a dog or a cat. Yet, Amanda still couldn’t shake the feeling that soon the other shoe would drop.

The night it did began with Amanda attempting to push Simon into the bath.

“You are ruining my experiment,” he pleaded, trying to keep his sister from stripping him down. “I am testing the benefits of cleanliness versus natural odors and how they pertain to an undetectable approach upon the undead.”

“Well, the results are in, and they say that if the living can smell you, you stink too much,” she said, managing to wrangle his shirt from him.

“Ah, but the human nose and the immortal nose are attuned differently,” he argued. “People smell stink, whereas a monster is more likely to smell soap and perfume.”

“I’m pretty sure they smell both,” she replied, grabbing one pant leg.

“Pretty sure is not certain,” challenged Simon. He was now hopping up and down, trying to keep his other leg out of her grasp. “This is why experimentation is needed.”

“Look, Simon,” she said, finally buckling, “if you take a bath, I will let you take your Houdini kit in with you.” This stopped him hopping.

“Even the straitjacket?” he asked cautiously.

“Even the straitjacket,” she agreed.

“And you won’t leave it loose, like you normally do? You’ll make it nice and tight.”

“There will be no way you could possibly escape,” she assured him.

“Very well,” he replied and finished taking his clothes off. Amanda went and retrieved the straitjacket from his room. She had never really been sure how he’d managed to get his hands

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