An Adventure Brewing: A Cozy Fantasy LitRPG (Beers and Beards Book 1) by JollyJupiter

Author:JollyJupiter [JollyJupiter]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Aethon Books
Published: 2023-10-02T16:00:00+00:00

It was a beautiful day.

The birds were singing – there were no birds here.

The sky was blue – there was no sky.

The grass was green – the grass was brown scrub.

I had a beautiful woman by my side.

“Aaron’s Arse! Penelope, stop trying to eat my pants!”

I shooed away the frisky goat and continued doing what I was apparently cursed by the Gods to spend my eternity doing.

Shovelling goat shit.

I hummed a little Highway to Hell as I dodged a headbutt to my crotch – I was getting good at that – and started up the hose. Penelope made a graceful pirouette over the water as I aimed at her.

*Maaaah!* [Translated from prima donna goat] “You missed me, peasant.”

“What’s that, Penelope? You want me to give you a bath!?” I placed a thumb over the hose, spraying it out in a wide arc. The water doused the pure white goat and she bleated in horror. She shook herself off and pawed the ground.

*MeeeHEEH!!!* [Translated from prima donna goat] “Insolence! I shall have you beheaded, varlet!” She lowered her head and charged.

I think I saw Annie walk by shaking her head, but I didn’t care – I had to show this stuck-up nanny-goat who was boss around here. I rushed forward and met Penelope’s charge head on. We met with a *bang!* in the centre of the little goat pen in the back of the brewery. Did you know dwarves have hard heads, especially when they’re wearing a helmet? Penelope didn’t. Her single curled horn bounced off my steel skullcap and she reeled backwards.

*Bleeeh!!!* [Translated from prima donna goat] “Treachery! You are a gifted jouster!” She stumbled back and stared at me unsteadily.

I decided to seal the deal. I had prepared carefully for this day. After a solid week of shovelling shit and taking shit, I had decided the time had come to put this pampered princess in her place. I reached behind the fence and pulled out a bag and a tankard.

“Want to make peace over some goat treats and beer, Penelope?”

Her eyes sparkled as she stared deep into my own. Our souls briefly touched, and in that moment, we understood each other. Guy to goat, caprid to cicerone.

*Maaaah.* [Translated from prima donna goat] “Truly, I was mistaken. I recognize you now as a man of culture!”

“Penelope!”

*Meeehaa!* [Translated from prima donna goat] “Peter!”

We met in the centre of the pen – this time in a hug. I pulled her tight, tears in my eyes. She bleated happily and ate my cravat.

“Yearn’s Yams, are ya romancin’ tha goat, Pete?”

“Bugger off, Balin.”

I resumed my work and was soon mopping up the last of the mess. I needed something more to do than menial chores or I was going to go mad. I’d pitched my ginger pop to Jeremiah, but he wasn’t going to do anything with my ideas until I proved myself. As soon as I was ‘allowed onto the brew floor’ we’d talk. I could try and do something with the ginger

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