Am I Missing Something? by Roberts Ruth;

Author:Roberts, Ruth;
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: REL055000, book
ISBN: 4573008
Publisher: Authentic Media
Published: 2013-03-01T00:00:00+00:00

March 3rd

‘So Ruth, do you think the Lord is with us absolutely everywhere, or are there some places he wouldn’t be able to follow?’

I’m walking in the park with Charlotte, my husband’s teenage cousin. It’s a beautiful, sunny afternoon and I’m pushing Daniel in his buggy. Today it’s easy to believe that Jesus is right beside us. ‘I’m not sure, Charlotte. Why do you ask?’

‘Well, I was at youth group last week and we were talking about the presence of God, and if Jesus were physically alive today whether he’d be able to enter somewhere like an abortion clinic. You know, when they actually go down and have their operations. Or is abortion such a terrible sin that a holy God would have to withdraw?’

My legs almost give way. I regain my balance and tightly grip the pushchair handle. Charlotte looks at me. ‘Are you OK, Ruth?’

‘I think so . . .’ It’s the most honest answer I can give at the moment, and I think about what she’s just said.

It’s a good question, an interesting theological debating point, I’m sure. But it’s thrown me back to a dark time in my past, and I wonder – was Jesus with me when I went down for my ‘operation’ all those years ago?

I look at Charlotte. She’s so young and fervent in her faith. She’s probably trying to work out why I’ve gone quiet – but I don’t know what to say.

What can I tell her? Where would I start? As I think back to the morning of that dreadful day, I picture the faces of the women I encountered at the clinic. I see the doctor who tried to persuade me to change my mind, her features hardening to resignation as I shook my head. The women in the packed waiting room, heads bent, their eyes dull and lifeless. The girl opposite me, who couldn’t have been more than 14, with her mum and dad sitting on either side. All three were crying.

I remember feeling so sorry for them, but knew that what I was about to do wouldn’t affect me, that I was tougher than that. Just a minor blip, and then I’d be able to get back to normal, back on track. But I cried when I woke up from my operation, and when Val came to pick me up I could hardly talk. Later, when I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, it felt like falling into nothingness.

The tears still come easily and I stare up at the sky, trying to blink them away. I’m suddenly longing to see the pastors at our church. I’m longing for their reassurance, and acceptance. So, could a holy God be present in the abortion clinic? I look again at the young girl walking quietly beside me.

There’s so much I want to say to her. That I just don’t know whether he was there or not, and I’m not sure that’s the point. That I think it’s more about mercy, compassion and the tender way God deals with us.

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