All the Numbers by Judy Larsen

Author:Judy Larsen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction
ISBN: 9780345493361
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2006-07-24T16:00:00+00:00

When the morning light first broke through her window, she’d been awake for hours. She had not slept well. Her sleep had been marred by strange bits and pieces of dreams. In one, she was running and could never catch up to where she needed to be. In another she was trying to find the right door to open, but every door just led to another hallway full of more choices.

Drinking coffee and waiting for the paper boy, she absentmindedly scratched Stella’s ears. The dog eased her head onto Ellen’s lap, and her tail softly ploinked on the hardwood floor. Why am I such a mess, Ellen thought. I had this lovely night. A really great guy kissed me. So why am I having dreams about failure and panic?

She stared vacantly out the kitchen window, not really seeing anything, and then she thought she heard a cough. When the noise finally roused her from the chair, she headed to the hallway saying softly to herself, “Hope one of the boys isn’t sick.”

At the instant the words came out of her mouth, she knew. Knew there was only one boy who could be sick. Knew the noise was the cat getting rid of a hairball. Knew what had caused her fitful sleep. She steadied herself by placing one hand on the kitchen wall. “I’m sorry, James,” she whispered. “I haven’t forgotten.”

The ringing of the phone startled her.

“Hello?”

“El? How was dinner?”

It was Anna. Ellen looked at the clock. How many hours had she been sitting at the table? The sun was shining brightly, the coffeepot nearly empty.

“Dinner was nice.”

“Oh. That bad, huh?”

“What do you mean? I said it was nice.”

“I know. You said it was nice the way I’d say a purple crocheted vest from my aunt Myrtle is nice. What happened?”

“We had a great dinner. We came back here and had some coffee. He laughed at my jokes. He kissed me good night.”

“I don’t get it.”

“I can’t see him again. Outside of legal stuff, that is.”

“Why?” Anna asked softly.

“I can’t.” Ellen was pensive, then added, “Oh God. Maybe he won’t help with the legal stuff anymore.”

“What did he do? Why can’t you see him?”

“I just can’t. That’s all.”

“El? Talk to me.”

“He made me forget about James. For a couple of hours.”

“Oh, Ellie. I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“But is that maybe okay? I mean, to get a little reprieve from your pain?”

“No. Not yet.”

Sunday evening as Ellen tried to plow through a stack of student essays, Bob called.

“Hi, Ellen. How has the rest of your weekend been?”

Ellen took a deep breath. How do I answer him? Do I tell him I’ve been a wreck? That as much as I enjoyed our date I can’t see him again?

“Oh,” she said lightly, “pretty low-key.”

“I really had fun Friday night,” Bob offered.

Oh damn, she thought. He’s got such a nice voice. And she thought again of how his hand at the small of her back had fit so well.

“Me, too. Thanks again.”

“I’d like to see you again.”

Ellen responded only with silence, but Bob forged ahead.

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