Alex in Haremland: An Alice in Wonderland Spoof by Logan Jacobs

Author:Logan Jacobs [Jacobs, Logan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2021-05-09T22:00:00+00:00

Chapter Ten

I was surprised by my own sense of determination, but I supposed that came with the territory of accepting I was the Dreamer foretold by some mysterious prophecy. There were worse things. I could have the soul of an evil sorcerer linked intrinsically with my own, or be peer pressured into walking straight into the volcanic depths of Mount Doom.

I straightened my shoulders as we continued our trek across the vibrantly colorful landscape, but we reached the field of two-lips a little while later, and it was just as Una said. The petals folded away from the center in distinct lip shapes, and the luscious bloom released a pungent, bad-breath-like odor.

“Interesting,” I murmured as I bent down to inspect the flowers.

They grew in a variety of colors ranging from a deep, velvety purple to a pale orange, and everything in between. The smell wasn’t the most pleasant, but then I caught a hint of something minty from a nearby bud. Apparently, some of them had brushed their teeth recently.

Una and I walked into the center of the field of two-lips before we stopped to spread out our sleeping pad across the ground. Then the two of us sat cross-legged side by side and watched the sun finish its descent toward the western horizon. The rainbow color sky shifted, and the hues slowly changed to darker shades, but then the rays of the sun cut through the air with a final rebellious illumination.

Darkness began to creep along the edges of the field, and a short while later, I heard the sounds of insects and frogs echoing across the distance. I could barely make out the sound of running water somewhere nearby, and everything was still and calm.

“This is nice,” I said. “I haven’t stopped to smell the two-lips in a while. This must be what my boss was talking about when he said he wanted me to relax.”

“What is a ‘boss’?” Una questioned with a curious tilt of her head.

“Someone who can tell you what to do,” I explained. “Back in Denver, my boss was pretty much the only person I knew. I just moved to town, so I hadn’t made any new friends yet.”

“Where did you come from, Alex?” Una asked. The cat-girl’s humongous violet orbs stared into mine, and her curiosity was obvious. “Do you have a family?”

“I was born in a small Midwestern town,” I informed her, and my smile turned bittersweet. “No one’s ever heard of it, so I wouldn’t expect you to.”

“I’ve never even heard of Earth before,” Una reminded me. “What’s a ‘midwestern?’”

“It’s an area of land,” I said, and I scratched my chin as I tried to think of an example she’d understand. “Like how there’s the Happy Fields and the mushroom forest.”

“What kind of things grow in the Midwestern?” Una asked as she plucked a minty smelling two-lip and placed it in her shaggy black locks. “Any cuckolds or vagiblooms?”

“You’d say ‘Midwest’ in that context,” I corrected. “And normal plants I suppose. They’d probably look awfully strange to you, though.

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