Agatha H and the Siege of Mechanicsburg by Phil Foglio

Author:Phil Foglio
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781949102284
Publisher: Night Shade
Published: 2020-02-19T16:00:00+00:00

The streets of Mechanicsburg were burning. Not all of them, of course, but Captain Kepler of the First Smarty-Pants Brigade vowed that, with enough time, he’d make sure he got to them all. He was roused from his murderous contemplation by one of his men stomping up to him, coming to order with a pop and a clank. “Sir!”

Kepler flicked a switch on what looked like a pair of ornately enameled mechanical hip waders and wheeled to face him. “What is it, Spinoza?”

“Got a situation, sir.”

“Another one?”

“We’ve finally taken some prisoners, sir. They’re just townspeople, but they were really giving us a hard time.”

Kepler looked around and nodded. “How many?”

“Eight, sir.”

“Anybody important? Doctors or City Council?”

“No, sir. I think they’re bakers.”

Kepler shrugged. “Okay, so what’s the problem? Shoot them.”

Spinoza blinked. “Shoot— but we can’t do that!”

“Don’t tell me you’re out of bullets?”

“No, sir! But . . . but they’ve surrendered. And they’re just a bunch of old men! Civilians!”

“So what are we supposed to do with them? Give them a kick in the pants and send them home? Who do you think is fighting us? ‘Civilians’ have wiped out half our squad! I’ve never seen resistance like this. They’re shopkeepers, for Ares’ sake! They shouldn’t care who’s in charge! They’ll cheat anybody!”

The lieutenant trotted along silently, giving his superior time to wind down. “Well, this is Mechanicsburg, sir. They’re not happy unless a Heterodyne in charge.”

“Well then, their Heterodyne can protect them.”

Soon they arrived at what indeed proved to be a bakery, though, from the state of its walls it wouldn’t be functioning for quite a while. Indications were the shutdown might be permanent, at least as far as the staff was concerned. They were lined up against a brick wall with ten armed troopers covering them.

Kepler stomped onto the scene and the troops gave him a salute. “Don’t look at me when you’re covering prisoners,” he roared.

“Sir! Sorry, sir!” The soldiers snapped back into position. Kepler shook his head. It was easy to see why they’d allowed themselves to slip. The men against the wall were obviously bakers. Even beneath the battle grime, you could see the flour. But . . . these weren’t just bakers. Even now, it was evident these were men just waiting for an excuse to leap back into action. Kepler had been a professional soldier long enough to know the most dangerous thing a career soldier could face was an impassioned amateur. They didn’t follow the rules. He stood behind his men now. “You treat those men with respect?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Now, shoot them!”

“Yes—what?”

“Stand to attention!” They snapped into place. Don’t give them time to think, Kepler thought grimly. “Form a firing line! Ready, aim—”

DOOOM!

The soldiers collapsed to the ground along with several of the younger bakers. The older men along the wall stared for a second before breaking into wild grins. One or two of them looked like they were going to be ill, though whether that was from the bell or the near death experience they would be hard-pressed to say.

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