A Syria Situation by Unknown

Author:Unknown
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Matador

7.

It had been a great start to the day. No audible muezzins, no moans from Elizabeth over breakfast, no requirement to attend the coach before a leisurely eight a.m. and no lack of entertainment at reception…

There was another party of Brits in the hotel who, like the Nature-seekers, were preparing to leave this morning. And, as far as Brian could tell, they were a bunch of travelling thespians. Because, how otherwise could one explain the behaviour of one of their leading lights at the reception desk this morning? How could he not be playing the principal role in that well known dramatic work entitled: The Great English Plonker Abroad; that seminal work that so incisively explores the abominable behaviour of certain members of this island race who, whenever they go overseas, manage to leave at home their shrunken brains and their shrivelled manners – and bring with them only a misplaced sense of superiority and an unsurpassed ability to be needlessly rude?

He was tall and idiot-middle-class-looking, and he was just about to address one of the receptionists as Brian arrived. Then he did address him.

‘Room 343,’ he announced in too loud a voice. ‘I want to pay my bar bill.’

The male receptionist smiled at him and responded with a question.

‘In cash or by credit card, sir?’

‘Cash?’ sneered the thespian – and here he swung his head around to address his wider audience – ‘Certainly not! The very idea…’

He then threw his credit card towards the receptionist – who now looked mildly surprised. And why wouldn’t he? After all, he had only been making a reasonable request. However, he maintained his cool and carried on as though nothing had happened.

‘Thank you, sir,’ he said. And then he said something that would re-ignite the thespian within a millisecond. It was: ‘The charge will be in US dollars, sir.’

‘US dollars!’ exploded the tall, dim one. ‘I don’t want it in dollars. I want it in pounds, pounds sterling. Do it in pounds.’

The receptionist looked bemused.

‘Sir, it’s the system. It’s the way it’s set up. It’s in dollars.’

‘I want it in pounds.’

‘We can’t do that, sir. We can’t change it.’

‘Well, you’ll have to. I want to pay in pounds!’

‘Have you got any pounds, sir? I mean, any pounds in cash?’

‘Of course not! What would I have pounds for? For God’s sake…’

‘Have you any euros, sir? Or maybe dollars…?’

‘Look. Can’t you understand? I want to pay my bill with Visa, and I want the charge to be in pounds. It’s that simple.’

‘But sir…’

And so it went on for the next few minutes, with the thespian demanding the impossible and the poor receptionist being as civil as a saint – but insistent. Because that’s all he could be. He couldn’t change the system and he was therefore obliged to insist that this cringe-making cretin before him accepted this fact and just got on and paid his bill.

Brian witnessed all this and was left in awe by the magnificence of the thespian’s performance. Or maybe what he was left in awe by was the imbecility and ill-mannered behaviour of one of his countrymen.

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