Zero Gravity by Woody Allen

Author:Woody Allen [Allen, Woody]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Humor, Form, Essays, Parodies, Topic, Men; Women & Relationships, Celebrity & Popular Culture, Fiction, Humorous, General
ISBN: 9781956763348
Google: eZxgEAAAQBAJ
Publisher: SimonSchuster
Published: 2022-06-07T21:37:26+00:00

Sorry, No Pets Allowed

FROM THE MOMENT Demosthenes plucked those pebbles from his bazoo, mounted a soap box in Athens, and electrified the hoi polloi with inspiring oratory, it was clear that words, forcefully intoned, possessed the dramatic power to stir men to their very marrow. One need only conjure Lincoln at Gettysburg, Winston Churchill rallying the beleaguered Brits under heavy bombardment, FDR defiantly facing down fear itself, not to mention what the Huffington Post called the twenty words that were “perhaps the most important Miley Cyrus said.”

Apparently, a press encounter with the erotically provocative superstar had homed in on country matters with the precise inevitability of a heat-seeking missile, and her declaration proclaiming unbridled sensual freedom, worthy of a Thomas Jefferson or citizen Tom Paine, read as follows:

“I am literally open to every single thing that is consenting and doesn’t involve an animal …”

This lubricious manifesto, breaking just short of bestiality, brought to mind the candid musings of another free thinker I knew, but here I should step back and let the lady spiel out the whole lurid enchilada herself.

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