Uncle John’s Triumphant 20th Anniversary Bathroom Reader by Bathroom Readers’ Institute

Author:Bathroom Readers’ Institute
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bathroom Readers’ Press
Published: 2013-02-20T20:18:27+00:00

SHOT HIMSELF IN THE...

How can someone accidentally getting shot be funny? Well, according to Mel Brooks, “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into a sewer and die.”

LEG

Anna Herrera-Gomez of Oklahoma City was at a shooting range in 2006 when a hot shell casing from the 9-millimeter pistol she was shooting fell down the front of her shirt. She jumped, grabbed her shirt, and accidentally shot herself in the leg. According to the police report, she suffered only a minor wound.

...GROIN

In 2004 a man in Vancouver, British Columbia, was waving a .357 Magnum revolver around during an argument regarding, according to news reports, a “love triangle.” At some point the man shoved the gun into his pants and accidentally shot himself in the groin. The two other members of the triangle brought the man to the hospital, where he was treated, released, and arrested.

...STOMACH

A 16-year-old boy in Lake Worth, Florida, found a live .45-caliber cartridge in his back yard in December 2005. For reasons unknown—perhaps he was just curious about how a shell fires—he decided to pound on it with a hammer. He found out: The pounding triggered it to fire, and the bullet ended up in the boy’s abdomen. He was treated at a local medical center and, fortunately, wasn’t badly injured.

...BUTT

In August 2004, a man on trial for assaulting a police officer escaped from the Bristow, Oklahoma, courthouse. A huge manhunt ensued, prompting local resident Drew Patterson to decide he’d better protect himself. So he grabbed his .22-caliber pistol, stuck it in his waistband...and shot himself in the buttocks. Then, he later told reporters, he went to his parents’ home and said, “Mom, I did something bad.” He was treated at a local hospital and released, saying it was “the most embarrassing moment of my life.”

The 21 smallest U.S. states, combined, are still smaller than Alaska.

...ARM

In 2006 a Wellington, New Zealand, police officer was called to the scene of a domestic dispute. When the man of the house started making threatening statements, the officer pulled out a stun gun...and accidentally shot himself in the arm with the 50,000-volt weapon. The officer went on to accidentally shoot the man’s 16-year-old son and then his 21-year-old daughter, after which the suspect, who hadn’t been shot, surrendered.

...KEYS

A 50-year-old Iranian man accidentally shot himself in the leg in 1988. He recovered and hadn’t thought about it for years...until the leg suddenly started to hurt in 2004. When the pain became excruciating he went to the hospital, where X-rays showed that he had a set of keys imbedded in his leg. Doctors who treated the man told reporters that the bullet from the 1988 accident had apparently struck keys in the man’s pocket and propelled them into his thigh. The bullet had been removed—but the keys were left behind. The man’s pain went away when the keys were finally removed.

...CALF (AND GROIN)

In 2006 a 23-year-old Wichita, Kansas, man attempted to kidnap a teenager in what the police report identified as a dispute over stereo speakers.

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