The Stars and Broken Parts by Drea Rhodes

Author:Drea Rhodes [Rhodes, Drea]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2024-08-19T00:00:00+00:00

S E V E N T E E N

My fingers interlock as I sit on my green sofa with his present before me on the table. It’s after midnight, I’ve cried every tear from my body and—it’s officially Charlie’s birthday.

I couldn’t be furious with him.

He was right.

I hadn’t meant to, but I did.

I used him.

I used the connection between us to bandage my insecurities.

Flashes of Charlie’s bruised body reel through my mind, and it’s a metaphor for how I’ve treated him. Charlie is the punching bag I take my anxiety out on. He’s the safe place I go when I feel like I don’t matter, or I’m not enough. But in doing so, I am quite literally throwing him off a cliff and forcing him to swim back to me. No real healthy relationship can come from that.

I think about a few months ago. Before I ever saw the bruises and when we were just friends. I eventually let Charlie in because I never suspected he was attracted to me. I never imagined I would even be on the same planet as Charlie in that respect. Even with that thought, I see it. I put him on a pedestal. I worked him up into this unattainable man. I put that pressure on him and myself. And I did it, so I’d never be able to get hurt. Charlie couldn’t hurt me if he was never mine to begin with. If he was just my friend, he couldn’t rip my heart from my chest and stomp on it.

All I have ever wanted is to have an identity of my own. Some label has always been attached to me. I’ve spent all this time running from them.

Running from Kai’s sister.

Running from the Asian girl.

Running from the chubby girl.

Running from… girlfriend.

Charlie has never made me feel like anything other than myself.

Just Banks.

Just me.

And I keep punishing him for it.

I grab the present before I lose my nerve and run out of my apartment. Sprinting up the stairs till I’m panting outside his door. It occurs to me, he might still be out, but I knock anyway.

My chest is shaking as I nervously chew on my lips till they might begin to bleed.

The door opens slowly, revealing him. Still in his jeans and flannel, his head hanging between his shoulders.

“Banks,” he breathes hesitantly.

“Can we just…” I skittishly swallow. “Can we just talk? I’ll leave if you want me to, just let me say this first.”

He lets out a long drag before stepping to the side. I walk in, facing his windows, my back to him as he shuts the door. The apartment is dark, the only light coming through the glass of the windows.

“When I was in high school,” I start, timidly chewing on my cheek. “I had the biggest crush on this boy.”

I can hear him breathing behind me, but he keeps his distance.

“He was nice to me and we would study together at lunch. He actually knew my name rather than just calling me Kai’s sister.

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