The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple's Guide by Michele Weiner Davis

Author:Michele Weiner Davis [Davis, Michele Weiner]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780743227339
Amazon: 0743227336
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Published: 2004-01-07T23:00:00+00:00

III

The High-Desire Spouse’s Guide for Boosting the Marriage Libido

CHAPTER FIVE

What About Me?

Although Part Two is aimed at your spouse, I’m assuming that you’ve read through parts of it and you know that I have encouraged him or her to become a more active and interested sexual partner. I’m also assuming that you have been cheering me on because you’ve agreed with much of what I’ve written. As the person with more sexual energy, I know that you have been the forgotten spouse in many ways. Although there is plenty of libido-boosting help available for your spouse, few books have addressed what it’s like to be in your shoes. This is especially true if you’re a woman, because low desire in men has not been given the attention it truly deserves based on the millions of men struggling with this issue. Be assured that the feelings you’ve had about your sex-starved marriage are very, very common.

On our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, I planned a very romantic evening with my husband. He was at work, and I went out and bought new lingerie, some light snacks, the same wine we had the first night we went out, and rented a top-floor hotel room of a five-star hotel near where he worked (since it was midweek and he would have to work the next day). I brought a clean set of work clothes for him for the next day and then left the hotel key, panties sprayed with my perfume, and a note hanging from the visor of his pickup and went back to the hotel to wait. I lit candles all around the room, had music with me, and around 6 P.M. the phone rang. Picture me, giddy with anticipation at how surprised and turned on he will be, and I race to the phone and he says, “What the hell are you doing? I have to work tomorrow!! If you want to get f**ked, can’t you wait until the weekend??? I’ll see you at home.” Never in all my forty-nine years have I felt a blow like I felt that night. I hung up, got drunk, and stayed in the room by myself. He showed up around 4 A.M. and wanted to know why I wasn’t home.

I know that your spouse’s lack of interest in sex has been challenging for you. You have been questioning your attractiveness and your masculinity or femininity. You’ve been wondering whether your spouse really loves you. You can’t understand how someone could love you and care about your feelings and at the same time reject your advances to make love. It just doesn’t make sense to you. Most of all, you’ve felt isolated in your marriage, which is the worst kind of loneliness a person can feel. You can easily recall the many desperate moments when your spouse has fallen asleep and you lay in bed longing to touch and be touched. You’ve resented the way your spouse seems to control the relationship, doling out affection on his terms.

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