The Rain Tree by Mirabel Osler

Author:Mirabel Osler [Osler, Mirabel]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Biography & Autobiography, Personal Memoirs
ISBN: 9781408818800
Google: r1ujrkxlzlYC
Publisher: A&C Black
Published: 2011-05-16T23:58:49.839235+00:00

I went into a slough of depression, an enclosed world I’d never before entered. I wouldn’t have chosen this – I had nothing to do with it. Without my volition, I was appropriated. Slow to realise what was happening, I became apathetic to everyone and everything. Depression is without emotion: sterile – leaving nothing palpitating. There’s no before, there’s no after. And the platitude ‘Remember, there are others less fortunate’ is a form of misplaced sophistry. But why had it taken so long? This was a year after Cordelia’s death. What mysterious toxin had been at work while all the time I thought I was performing all right with Michael, Tamsin, friends and teaching?

Nothing since has been as eclipsing as grief – not even physical pain. It was the most apocalyptic experience in my life: an incubus that lay like a beast in wait whenever I went down behind my eyes.

Although time doesn’t heal, the momentum of living can give one a shove.

Dylan Thomas’s ‘force that through the green fuse drives the flower’ was the force that finally drove the revival of my spirit. It had happened after my mother had died when a new life had grown within me, and although she never lived long enough to hold her granddaughter, the birth of Tamsin gave me that impetus through regeneration. When years later Michael died, Tamsin was pregnant with our first grandchild.

When Cordelia died, something germinated without deliberation but from a place beyond my rationale.

The seeds of resurgence are not always the obvious ones.

Within two years of my sister’s death we became caught up in the complexities of adopting a child.

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