The Other F Word by Angie Manfredi

Author:Angie Manfredi
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Abrams
Published: 2019-09-24T00:00:00+00:00

Can’t Find Your Community? Create Your Own

by

BRUCE STURGELL

I didn’t really find the place I fit in until I was thirty.

I realized I was a fat kid at a pretty young age. Schoolkids can be brutal; family members can be thoughtless with their comments. At the time, I felt like being fat meant that I was less than everyone else. That stayed with me, in many ways, until I was much older.

My childhood and teen years weren’t horrible, but there was always this nagging voice in the back of my mind that told me that I wasn’t good enough because of my size. Even with great friends and a loving family, I learned a terrible, false lesson that the mainstream world tries to teach us: Fat people don’t deserve dignity.

I pushed that knowledge down deep inside and continued forward. I was funny, artistic, and loving. I made new friends and read comic books and drew constantly. I knew that I was fat, but that wasn’t all there was to me. Thankfully, my parents reinforced this in their own ways. My mom taught me that being kind, loving, and optimistic is a good way to go through life. That forgiveness goes a long way and that you should love people for their differences, because those things make us great.

My dad taught me tenacity, stubbornness. He taught me never to give up on things I believed in and to look for creative solutions to problems. He also possessed a fiery independent streak, some of which he passed down to me. That trait in particular made me more self-reliant and less apt to ask for help. That independence eventually drove me to create the kind of community I was unable to find when I needed it most.

Even with all those things working in my favor, I couldn’t shake the feelings of worthlessness that seemed to be floating right below the surface. I did my best not to let any of this show. Going through the world as a bigger kid is tough, and at times it felt like there was someone at every corner ready to share a nasty remark or laugh with their friends behind my back. In reality, those situations were few and far between, but they did happen. Maybe it was a random comment from a family member or a fat joke at my expense from someone I barely knew. When they happened, they were devastating—and they stuck with me.

As I moved from my late teens into my early twenties, I started to get a grip on what (I thought) I wanted to do with my life. Radio! I started working for a small broadcasting company, first as in intern, then a DJ, then as marketing manager. I was working with amazing people, learning new things every day. Basically, living my dream. Even though my career was great, in my head, I was still that chubby kid who didn’t measure up. I threw myself into my work. I had friends to hang out with and colleagues who respected me.

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